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"Wow I can't believe I just did that," I say out loud. I'm standing up by now and Matt is still sitting in his bed, not saying anything. "I hate myself now. I'm just going to tell Nash to pick me up... I'm sorry again Matthew."


I pick up my backpack from the floor in a quick movement and leave his room. He wasn't going to say anything anyway. I leave his house as quick as I possibly could, humiliated. I hate myself so much. Everyone else should hate me too.


I've waited at the end of Matthew's road for someone to pick me up too many times. Frustrated and angry with myself, I waited for my brother to come pick me up. When he was finally here I got into his car and didn't say anything.


"Are you going to tell me what happened?" he asks.


"Later?" I plead. I don't want to talk about it now. He nods, understanding that I don't want to talk about it now and starts to drive home. "Is Cameron at our house?"



I expected him to say yes because Cameron is there every day, but surprisingly he says, "No, he's at home."


"How are things with Amanda?" I ask. I don't know how Nash could possibly still like her when I told him how fake she was.


"Oh yeah, about that..."


"What?" I ask in hopes that he realized she was a fake bitch and didn't want to be with her anymore.


"We're dating now." he grinned.


"Oh."


"Aren't you happy for me?"


"I don't like Amanda." I say.


"Well, I do." he says.


"That sucks for you." I shrug, looking out the window and not saying anything for the rest of the ride home.


When we get home I decide to help my mom clean the house. I hate cleaning, and this is a one time thing, but it would really distract myself from my boy drama. I couldn't help but think about some things while I was cleaning though, and I came to a conclusion while I was helping my mom do the dishes.


"Hey, mom?" I ask while drying a plate and putting it in the cabinet.


"Yes honey?"


"Do you think... um,"


"What is it Madilyn?" she stops working on the plate she's cleaning and looks at me, drying her hands.


"I want to move back to Omaha."


She looks at me in shock. I'm pretty shocked myself really, but I think that's what would be best, right? I didn't really have any problems there besides my dad being a piece of shit. But I was alone there, the way I liked it. Nobody talked to me and that was better than what I have now. It's hard to live with yourself when you know you're hurting people.


"What? Why, do you not like it here?" She asks me with concern written all over her face. "Are you getting bullied?"


"No, Mom..." I sigh. "I just think it was better for me to live there, with Dad."


"Does this have to do with a certain boy? Matthew?" She asks and I shake my head back and forth. She looks at me for a while before saying, "I can't miss out on more of your life. I don't want to do that, but I also want you to be happy here. Are you not happy here?"



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