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Pen Your Pride

Wake Up, Child

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Not being completely aware of my surroundings wasn't something I was used to. 

I woke up again a week later feeling exactly like what I assume crap would. My head was in the midst of an explosion, my throat felt crushed, and my mind didn't quite understand what was going on.

My mom, again, was the first person I saw when I opened my eyes. She just kept staring at me with doe eyes like I was a baby again that was going to break. I didn't like that one bit. Being used to taking care of myself and more, I didn't appreciate the way the nurse kept looking at me as helpless as she fed me applesauce and jello. I was choked not paralyzed. I can handle myself thank you very much.

"Mom, what happened?" I asked extremely irritated. This place did not sute my needs at all. I mean come on. There isn't even a TV in here. I refuse to act as a statue for my family to stare at helplessly.

"Sweetheart, umm. How much do you--?"

"One: Don't start with that 'sweetheart' crap. Two: I remember every detail of what happened, Mom. Don't bring that part up right now. Three: How the hell did I get here?" I wanted out of here. I couldn't take my little sister looking at me like that anymore. I was the one who watched out for her, not the other way around.

"A man came to the hospital anominously in a black hoodie. He didn't leave his name. All he said was 'make sure she stays safe' and left. The nurses couldn't identify him and neither could the cameras. I don't know who to thank for saving my daughter's life." She choked-- pun intended-- letting out a few tears.

"Mom, I'm fine. See! I can touch my toes and everything." I tried to form some kind of smile but got no where with it.

"Rosalie. This is not the time or the place. Need I remind you that someone wanted you killed and almost succeeded." She turned away from me then. I don't know if it was me being girl with wacky hormonal issues, the drugs, or just the after effects of that night, but I blew.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Didn't mean to upset you or anything. Yes, I am well aware of the fact that I was drowned. I don't remember much of that night except the pain and the terror. 'Need I remind you' I was the victim. I was the one who had to live through it-- if you can call it living. Look at me, Mother. I'm in a damn hospital bed being spoon fed jello and whatever crap they can get into me without me barfing it up. My own twin sister can barely look at me and my father won't acknowlege that you nor I are even conversing right now. You want a good time for me to lighten up the damn situation? How about the dinner table? Lord knows that only happens every three or four months. Gee, Mom. Who's fault is that? Who filed the divorce for whatever Goddamn reason? Don't bring up that night and try to act like the victim. I'm the one who is reliving it every single time I close my eyes. I'm the one who has taken care of this family. All you do is work. Dad is the definition of an introvert. He hasn't been able to think for himself ever since the divorce. How is he supposed to handle this? Zoey is working her butt off with school and soccer so she doesn't have to bother you about money for college. You want to talk about time and place? Now seems like a pretty good damn time to discuss the future and what has been going on since you've been off in la-la land." I looked away and blurted, "God! When can I get out of this miserable excuse of a safety zone?! I want to go to Elena's. Now."

As I pressed the button for nurse's assistance, I watched as my mom walked out of the room holding in tears, and my Dad following close behind. At least I got a small smile from him as he did though.

Zoey took this as an opportuity to climb in bed right next to me. Her head on my shoulder was extremely comforting and I moved my hand to her's. She looked up at me and whispered, "That was harsh but I think it woke her up."

"Yeah. Sure. More like she'll disapear again for a bussiness trip."

"Rose. You almost died." My head snapped immediatly towards her and I saw her eyes. They weren't full of pitty like my mom's. They were angry. "Don't take it the wrong way but something needed to happen. This was it. I just wish it didn't happen to you. I want that asshole dead as much as Dad does. He won't say anything and he follows Mom around like a puppy even though she uses him, but trust me he does. Don't blame him for this. Don't even blame Mom, okay?"

"Okay but . . . . . Zo, I can't take her pitty."

"I know you can't. It doesn't fit your personality. You'd rather be on the other end of it. Rose, it's my turn to comfort you, though. I'm not your baby sister. We're twins. I can read you like a book."

I laughed, "That's true."

"Can I?" As always, she knew how to get to me in ways very few could. Must be that twin thing.

"Sure, Zo. Just this once."

She moved a piece of my hair from my face and nestled back into my shoulder. It was the just amount of comfort I needed and I loved her for it.

"Rose?"

"Yeah?"

"What was it like?" She hesitated before asking, "How much do you remember?"

Knowing my twin really well, I should've known this question was going to come up. Not only does not knowing what exactly is going on, but this is how she comforts-- by knowing and understanding what I am going through. Taking a deep breath, I answered, "All I remember is how his hands felt and how dark my favorite spot was. You know the spot, Zoey. It was devasting. Well, as devasting as it could continue to get. I'm remembering a little bit as time goes on. So hopefully I can remember who attacked me and who saved me. Unfortunatly they both had black hoodies apparently."

She looked up at my face again, "It's going to be okay, Rose."

"I really hope so. I can handle this. Let's just see if the school can."

Her laugh always made me smile. 

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