Chapter 29: beautiful lie

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I lay down on the cold almost wet floor back at my room, painting pictures on the ceiling with my eyes.

The painted pictures of faeries, roaming the forest with their wings spread wide, leaving a trail of sparkly dust behind.

I recalled what I'd told him when he said that he doesn't want out of this place,

"Nick, you can hope to go out and start a new life out there, I can get better too, and you can work, and you can start all over again."

"Nala, you're too naïve thinking like that, the best case scenario, is that they'd allow me to live with my family, they wouldn't allow a former psychopath to work, even though I'm not, but you know you were submitted in a mental hospital, so you somehow manage to be a psychopath in everyone's eyes… don't even try and convince me that I have a future, I don't… and I hate to break it to you, you don't either."

He's right; I mean people who graduate from college don't manage to find a proper job, so being a person who was once in a mental hospital must have zero chances of survival.

Somehow I get where he's coming from, here, in this pit-hole, we are treated as what we truly are, psychopaths… outside it will be different; we'll be treated as the thing we weren't in here, a different kind of psychopaths.

So I guess, somehow, this place is my home…

. . . . . .

"Nia, I have a surprise for you." she smiled

"Yeah, what would it be?" I said forcing a smile,

"Well I came here to take you from your room, just to show you, now come with me."

We walked quietly, in an easy, careful pace.

When we finally reached her office, I was so surprised and happy that I almost forgot how to talk,

"Mom, oh my god, I can't believe this," I laughed and hurtled to hug her, she smelled like sweet roses on pillows.

Her hair was tied in a similar messy bun as the one I always had, she was out of breath and sort of paralyzed by my sight.

"Mom, it's me, what's wrong?" I broke off the hug to take a good look at her face, her eyes were filled with tears and her cheeks were so red that it freaked me out,

"I miss you so much" I said,

"Say something mom, I'm okay." my happiness started to fade, Nick was right, the moment we go outside these walls, everyone would stare at us with astonishment and amazement, as if we're some kind of ornaments placed in the mansion.

"H-hi darling," she broke her dizzy state and started to move her hand over my hair, her soft skin touched my cheeks with much warmth, only god knows how much I missed this woman.

"Is dad here? I want to see him," I said excited,

"No honey, he has to work today."

Of course he does, she expects me to just believe that, however I can manage to play along.

"I hope he's doing fine," I smiled roughly

We talked for about half an hour then she had to get back home because she claims that she's late…

"Julianne… I've got to remember something, I've got to remember the truth and the reality, everything is a lie… everything is not what it is," I stared at the window in her office, "Why do we believe all of this? The universe itself is a lie… I had a dream once before… yesterday actually," I smiled, "It wasn't a nightmare; it's so rare when it's not a nightmare Julianne… I was laying in a meadow and it was raining, I saw everything being washed away and fading, it didn't really matter. The beauty that was in the meadow was still present in the same empty, hollowed place… see it's a lie… the beauty we see is a lie, it's because we say it's beautiful that we feel it's beauty, that is all,

 "I'm sorry if I'm not making any sense, but my chest tightens when I think about it… this hospital could be beautiful if I said it was… we fool ourselves," I laughed

"It's funny how we believe our lies." I found her hand on my shoulders and she was seating me on that chair once again, but unfortunately for her I was done talking and wanted to go back to my room,

Before I could say so, she stopped me and told me that she wanted to ask me one question so I nodded, 

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