Chresanto 9:09 pm
It's been about 2 weeks since I've heard from Kiara. I feel kind of guilty because this is my fault. If I didn't blame her for the break up , I'd still be in her life. I'd still be her friend. I miss her so much. Kiara's late-night phone calls & early morning text messages were the only things I lived for. Honestly, I can't take this anymore.
I pick up my phone & text her.
"Hey." I wanted to keep it simple. I didn't want to seem thirsty or anyth-
"Wassup" she said.
"Can I call you , please?"
"Sure" She said ,
Dialing her number , I'm slightly shaking. I don't know what she's going to say... I'm just happy she's giving me the opportunity to talk to her.
"Hello?" She said , she sounds tired. Like she's been crying. . .
"I'm sorry , It's all my fault , I didn't know everything was going fall apart like it did. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. I know I sound like a bitch. A big bitch , But I love you. You are all up on my mind ma. I can't stop thinking about chu. Just . . . Forgive me."
"Really? That's all you got?" She said. She broke my heart . .
"The fuck you mean?"
"I forgave you after you abused me . . We weren't even together! I did any & everything for you. Now you love me? Now you have feelings for me? I'm done with you. I'm cutting you off Santo. You're only sorry because I won't text you back , huh? Be real bruh. You only using me for sex. Is that why you're so sorry? 'Cause you wanna taste the cake? It's not gonna happen. Fuck you."
"Nah . . Nah . .. It ain't nothing like that. . . It's never been like that. I don't want sex from you." I said , trying my hardest not to go off.
"Oh really", She said chuckling. "Then , What do you want from me?" She said.
"Your forgiveness! That's all I wanted. I don't give a fuck about sex." I said.
"That's rather funny, because last year , if you don't recall , you did take my virginity" She said .
"I didn't take shit. You offered it. Don't act like I just opened your legs and forced my dick in you. You gave me your virginity" I said. She pissing me off , bruh. On god, I didn't call her for this shit. She doin' way too much.
"Like I said , Fuck you. I can't even have a relationship without having you all up in my business."
"ALL UP IN YOUR BUSINESS!?", I yelled into the phone "BRUH, ON GOD , I LOVE YOU TO DEATH. I WASN'T TRYING TO RUIN SHIT. YOU WERE THE ONE THAT SAID YOU LOVED ME! DON'T SIT THERE AND TRY TO MAKE ME LOOK LIKE THE BAD GUY. I'M TRYING MY BEST TO SHOW YOU THAT I'M SORRY! GOD DAMN , KIARA. I MADE A FUCKING MISTAKE. WHAT ELSE TO WANT FROM ME? I WISH I COULD GO BACK IN TIME AND STOP MYSELF FROM DOING ALL THOSE HORRIBLE THINGS TO YOU , BUT I CAN'T! IT'S IN THE PAST. STOP MENDING ON THAT BULLSHIT. I'M SORRY! I'M NOT ABOUT TO KEEP KISSING YOUR ASS. WHAT ELSE DO YOU FUCKING WANT FROM ME!?"
I know , I probably touched her spot , because she's not talking. But like I said , I'm not kissing her ass no more. If it's fuck me , then fuck you too,
"Kiara , How about you hit me up when you get your shit together. I'm not about to sit her & listen to you sniffle & cry. Fuck me? Aight , fuck you too shawdee."
Kiara 10:14 pm
What he said , really hurt me. I'm not sorry for what I said. If he thinks I'm wrong for what I said , then that's on him. I don't care. Yes, I crying. Regardless , Tears or not , I was hurt already. He just opened my eyes more. That I don't need him. We don't need eachother. All we do is cause eachother pain & sorrow. If he honestly meant what he said to me then it's obvious that he's never cared about me. Even if he said "I love you to death" that's bullshit.
Real Love is what I did. I gave him all my love & trust , even after he put me through the shit he did. I forgave him after all of that. To me & many others that's real love. But fuck me though? After all the shit I've done for him? Oh Okay. It's always fuck Kiara.
Just then Anthony texted me
"Wassup?" He said
"What do you want , Anthony?" I said , I'm not really in the mood for the bullshit. it's obvious he's about to beg . . . Once again.
"Can we start over , baby?" He said.
"Maybe it's not always about trying to fix things , Anthony. Maybe it's a sign that we should start over & make new memories. Without someone new." I said.
"I don't want nobody new. I want you. I don't want new memories. I want our memories. I'm sorry , baby."
"You should have thought about all that before you cheated. Before you led me on. It's over. Goodbye."
He kept on texting me until about 2. I'm done with everything.
I'm so tired of the sorries & the 'please forgive me' texts. I can care less about everything. All the people in my life have left me. It's nothign new to me. I just thought finally I could be happy. But, every time I meet someone that makes me happy , or I atleast think make me happy , they hurt me & leave me. I'm better off alone , huh?
Yeah , I know.