Part Nine

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What to do...

I sat on my computer and faced an empty screen. It was dark in my room, cold. I had nothing on my mind but I could feel the vague warmth of Felix's kiss. I touched my lips with my finger and smiled. Closing my eyes, I tried to picture that moment when he kissed me. He leaned it, his eyelids drooping to a steady close... His lips slightly puckering up to meet my awaiting mouth... A lone gasp escaping through my throat, mistaken for a longing moan... Felix's hands running up and down my arm, through my hair, caressing my blushing cheeks.

Then my phone started ringing, waking me from my daze. I picked it up quickly.

"Cry?" I recognized the voice through the phone. I frowned in terror.

"What do you want Jaston?" I groused at my phone. Silence hung and I almost put my phone back on my table. I felt a bubbling anger in my chest and then... the image of Jaston kissing me appeared. I shivered.

"I'm sorry for what happened in the cafe, Cry. I got carried away and- and I couldn't help the feeling of--."

"Help the feeling of what? What feeling couldn't you help?"

He was silent again.

"I really, really like you, Cry." He whispered. I could barely hear him through the telephone line. There was too much noise around him. I exhaled harshly and I shut my eyes. I sort of expected it. I expected him to say that. How would I gently let him down without telling him about how I feel toward Felix? Wait... If I didn't tell him, then he'd keep persisting. I was battling in my mind until Jaston spoke again.

"I know you like Felix. More than like, perhaps," Jaston muttered. "But I didn't think it'd hurt to tell you what was on my mind. I truly am sorry to embarrass you or hurt you even. An apology is all that I can give you at the moment. So I've decided to leave you alone. Both you and Felix. Good luck with your life, Cry. I'll miss you."

"Jaston, wait--"

But it was too late. The call had ended and I was stuck in the darkness of my room again. I wasn't thinking about Felix anymore, but I thought of Jaston. I didn't see him at all after that call. Months eventually passed... Jaston was never at the cafe, never at the library... I even walked by his place one day and, unfortuntely, it was empty and waiting to be sold. 

I was lonely for one reason or another. A little because I avoided Felix for a couple days but I did it to clear my head. Felix understood that I needed the time alone. I re-read Moby Dick, I memorized the first line of it even. I remembered Jaston's turtle neck, his twinkling eyes when he read a book. I remembered the time we first met, our conversations... I miss them so much, it amazed me.

I suppose I shouldn't have acted the way I did when Jaston kissed me but... it was understandable, right? I didn't want him; I didn't like him as much as I liked Felix. To him, it was unfair. Life was unfair. But life's never fair. Is that a reason to regret what I did to Jaston? That I was being too unfair? Too mean? I tore him apart but honestly, he should've seen it coming. i'm not the best person in the world, I'm aware. Look at all the things I've done to my friends... I don't deserve them! But... I need them. I need my friends, my YouTube fans, family, whoever is willing to stay by my side so I can do the same for them. Be at their side too...

The moment after Jaston called, I thought of all of that.

So after five months, I decided to go find Jaston.


[A/N: Last part is the next part. :) I enjoyed writing this, even if it was on-hold for a long time and no one really read it xD... But, thanks, if you've come this far<3 Leave a comment to tell me what you think? ^-^]

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