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Pen Your Pride

7 - The First Date (Stephanie)

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7 - The First Date  (Stephanie)

“Do you have any tattoos? I questioned, resting my head on my palms as I peered onto him slightly and subtly. I just wanted to get closer to him. 

I was quite intrigued by the answer actually. I really wanted to hear him out. Just talking anything, in reality. He could say anything and I would hear him out with full concentration. I am not sure why though. Maybe it was because even though he looked so sweet and collected at first sight, as I got to know him, I could see he was not just that. He came off as plain and quiet, maybe even shy. But that was just the facade he showed to the world. It was only a few selected, lucky ones that got to see him like he really was -and apparently I was one of those. 

“Yes, I have a few," he confessed. A few. A few?! I felt myself desiring him a bit more over that, but I knew I had to keep composure because there were people around us in the café and this was just our first date. "But the most important for me is the one on my back,” he added afterwards. I looked at him, from across the table, biting the inside of my cheek to not blurt out how I thought he was basically perfect. That would have been mortifying. 

I quirked up my eyebrows in surprise, absolutely captivated and interested in seeing where the tattoos were. I wanted to trace them with my fingers and be able to tell him how amazing they were or just stare at them while he told me about them, what inspired him to get them and the story behind each one. But I knew those were thoughts I had to keep to myself, unless I wanted to scare him away. So I only gulped and then hummed in response. 

“Want to see it?” he questioned. And I was glad he did, because I really wanted to see them. I was just embarrassed to say it. We were on a public place, though, so only one would have to do for now.

He motioned for me to come over and he pulled at the hem of his shirt and the white sweater on top of it at once, so I could take a good look at the tattoo. I let out a silent whimper of excitement as I stood up and walked over to him. I did it quickly, so that he did not see my shaking legs. I might be just a bit too eager.

When I was front in front with it, I just gazed in awe for a few seconds, like afraid to touch it. What if it vanished along with Finn the second I made contact with it? It might all just be a vision, a mirage.

After composing myself, I finally paid attention to the ink, like really paid attention to it. It was spread on the top, broad part of his back, in between the blazes on his shoulders and beneath the nape of his neck. It consisted of a pair of well-designed and heavily crafted wings and a J in gothic style in between the wings. I gazed at it for a few seconds before letting go of the hem of his shirt that I had been holding onto and turned back to my seat. I just hoped I had not left any sweat on his skin or clothing. I was too nervous. And I was probably overthinking. It was not a good look on me. I needed some self-control right away.

I took my seat once again, coolly I hoped. “What does it mean?” I inquired just before taking a sip of my black tea.

“The two wings represent those of an angel and the J is for Johannna,” he replied, looking up from his slice of cheesecake. He cut a bit and took it to his mouth.

I felt my heart wince in pain due to insecurity to what he had just said. To my mind came immediately a beautiful girl that was so much better than me. Subtly, I tried to find out who this Johanna was. I did not want to seem desperate or anxious or insecure, even if I was all of the above. “And who is Johanna?” I asked, trying to sound as if I did not really care. God knew I did.

Was Johanna the name of the girl he had broken up with? Did he love her that much?

“My mom,” he provided. His phone ringed and he took it out of his coat's pocket. He gazed at it for a few seconds before starting to type in. “The tattoo means she is my angel,” he added later on since I had been at a loos of words. I stopped breathing for a second as I just gazed at him. I felt completely relieved, if I am honest with you. A lift was weighed off my chest and I smiled widely.

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