day thirty

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today i didn't get up. 

i don't think i'll ever get up again. 

I just can't breathe right anymore Luke. My Luke is gone, the one who helped me, the one who saved me.

It feels like my lungs are full of water and i just can't get enough air, i can't breathe deep enough and my head is dizzy and my heart is numb. But the pain, there's physical pain from how much it hurts to keep breathing.

It's never been this hard before Luke. I've never hurt myself so much. I've never not even bothered to clean the blood from the sink. But i've given up. Before, i kept on trying, but now i can't

I'm just a pathetic sad little boy who's deeply in love with the only thing keeping him alive. The only thing that has now turned it's back on him. 

I miss you.

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