The night slowly pushed on and I kept my best distance from Ashton. I had decided I'd drank too much for just a chilled hangout so I settled on a lime soda as I sat back and listened to the conversations around me. Ashton hasn't taken notice of me even though we were in the same room. The room was large and pretty crowded. A lot more people came than any of us expected.
"I talked to Ashton." Mary sat down next to me. I gave her a confused, yet amused look before looking back down to my drink in my hand.
"Just go talk to him, Drew. I know there's some stuff you two need to talk about and not talking about it won't help anything."
I licked my lips casually as I looked toward him. He was way across the room but I could still see him. He looked back and forth between the people in the group as they each spoke. "I can't do it."
"Yes, you can!" She lightly pushed me.
"I'm not talking to him, alright? I don't want to break this record and talk to him."
"I know you want to talk to him - so why don't you just do it?"
"I'm just not going to, alright? I won't be the one to start the conversation."
"Fine, than I will." She rolled her eyes and stood up. I grunted as I watched her walk over to Ashton. She knelt down slightly and whispered in his ear whilst pointing in my direction. I looked away before he looked toward me, I didn't want to see his reaction to seeing me. I looked over for a split second only to see him walking over. Leave it to Mary to go against what I said and do it anyway.
He sat down next to me not saying anything, just looking forward with a beer in his hand and his other along the top of the couch behind me. This wasn't awkward - nothing was ever very awkward with Ashton. I knew he felt alright about coming over here to talk to me but, I on the other hand, didn't know how to feel about it.
"So," He started. I looked over and really took in how he looked in that moment. He didn't look better than before, he almost looked worse. His hair was just a big mop of a mess on his head, his usual styling seemed to be gone now. His clothes wrinkled and not very fresh smelling. I moved my eyes away before he really noticed what I was doing.
"So..." I almost sighed it out, but knew that would sound a lot more bitchier than I intended so I tried my best to cover it up.
"How's it been going?" He asked looking over at me, being careful not to let me notice he was the one inspecting the other now.
I swallowed and looked down at the drink in my hand. Really it hasn't been that well, but his couldn't have been any better. "Well you know," I shrugged. "Normal, I guess..."
"Right..." He trailed off, clearly not getting the same answer he was thinking.
"You?" I asked. He look at me as if I spoke in a different language. "What about you?"
"How have I been?" He chuckled to himself. "I've been just fucking dandy."
"Oh come on, Ashton! I'm done with all this sarcasm you do. Lets just have a proper conversation like two adults."
"We're nothing like two adults."
"Then how about we start acting like some?"
He stayed silent for a few seconds as he look a long swig of his alcoholic drink. "I didn't come all the way over here just to argue over being mature or not."
"Then why'd you come all the way over here?" I rolled my eyes looking forward, putting the beer bottle to my lips and taking a sip.
"Just never mind, it's a stupid idea thinking about it now."
"Yeah, most of your ideas are pretty stupid."
"I'm being serious, Drew." He shook his head looking away from me. "If it wasn't important I wouldn't have came over here and risked all -"
He cut himself off, moving his arm that had rested on the couch top behind me to his side. What was he trying to tell me? It must actually be important if he's having trouble saying it.
"What is it, Ash? Just say it for fucks sakes!"
He looked over at me again, licking his lips slowly as he thought. "I don't want to risk all the feelings for you that I've pushed away these last few weeks only for them to come back."
"Did you really think you could take three years of feelings and push them away in three weeks?"
"No, but it seems you did."
"Seriously, Ashton?" I rolled my eyes at his downward attitude. "You know that I still feel like crying over my fucking hamster dying when I was seven. If I can't even get over my pet dying how could I get over a relationship ending."
"Are you referring to me as an animal?" He raised an eyebrow, not being serious about any of it.
"You aren't getting the point! I admit, I do still love you and I probably always will but we just don't work as well together as we used to."
"Can't we just work on that then?" He leaned his head back, closing his eyes. I took notice of his tight jaw line and tried not to show awe at how amazing he looked.
I took a long, deep breath as I looked away from him. "I feel there's more you should work on in your life before we even start to work on our relationship."
"You being back in my life would help me get mine back on track. You kept me stable. You helped me get dressed everyday, get to work on time, made me food, talked me through bad times and bad situations. You were there for me and now you're not. It's fucking hard not having anyone to talk to about stuff."
"But before we even split up you had problems you needed to sort out."
"Just come on, Drew..." He licked his lips as he looked over at me. "I need you."
"It's not going to happen, Ash." I stood up and turned around to look down at him. "Figure your shit out then come talk to me."
I walked a few feet to the door, ready to leave. "Don't act like your life is just all dandy and perfect because let me just tell you now, you got more problems than me, babe."