You don't know how hard it is... Until your breaking like me.
I walked out of the door that I see almost everyday putting my hands in my pockets. I turned a little looking over my shoulder looking back at the name of the bar. I tipped a little to the side causing me to look in front of me. I walked over the road and lights suddenly appeared a car honked at me. I pointed at the car scoldingly. "Hey !" I yelled angrily. "Watch it !" They yelled at me. "You fucking watch it !" I yelled back walking further.
I walked on the lonely streets that holds so many memories of me and my brother. Young, free and clueless. Why ? I sighed kicking a little stone. I looked up and I saw me and my brother laughing as we raced down the street. It was always me and him against the world. We had friends but we had this close bond. I sighed then walked up our three stairs and somehow managed to unlock our door. I locked then hung up my keys. I walked over to our Christmas tree. It's only end October but my brother is obsessed with Christmas and has the real Christmas spirit so I made sure the tree is up and we like to decorate with pictures too. I looked at a picture of him and I, my heart sank a little. Things have changed so much. A picture of mum caught my eye. My heart broke a little but somehow I managed to smile. I walked through the house to mum's room and there she was same spot as always. Seeing her I felt stone cold sober. Tubes in her nose helping her breathe. A tube in her hand. The sight breaks my heart.
I walked over to her putting my shaky hand on her cheek smiling at her. I put my other hand on the headboard and leaned down kissing her head. Her eyes opened slightly, she spotted me and smiled. "Hey mummy." I gave her a smile. "Baby." She looked at me another few seconds then closed her eyes. "I love you mummy." I kissed her head again. I spent a few more minutes there then left. As I closed the door behind me my head started spinning. I sunk down against the door putting my hand over my mouth just crying.
I opened my eyes and realised I was on the floor in front of my mum's door. I sighed getting up. My body is aching and my head is pounding. Dragging my feet to the medicine cabinet I took some pain meds then headed to my room but stopped outside my door. I looked at my brothers door putting my hand on it. All the times I'd wake up and first thing in the morning wake his lazy ass up. I opened my door heading straight for the shower. I just stood under the warm water after washing myself. I got dressed in some grey joggers and a black hoodie, then went to my mum. I made sure she drinks all her meds. Then sat with her. I kissed her cheek. "Love you mummy." I smiled at her. She smiled at me then closed her eyes. I walked out and got in my car I sat and just started hitting the steering wheel. "Fuck ! Fuck ! Fuck !" I started crying. I sighed taking a deep breath then started my car and drove to my other everyday destination.
I could've sold my car. He didn't have to do what he did. We wouldn't have been here. He wouldn't have been here. I could've gotten his hugs more often. His hugs are always comforting. A loud buzz pulled me out of my thoughts. I picked up the phone and smiled at him through the thick glass, he did the same. I chuckled at his same old toothy smile. "Hey sis." Hey spoke cheerfully. "Hey you." I spoke but I couldn't match his cheerfulness, he was always the softer one. This is why this doesn't make sense to me. "How's mum ?" He asked a small smile never leaving his face. "She's tired. She's quiet. But she's still one word two word responsive." I said and he smiled. "How are you holding up ?" I asked and he smiled. "I'm out before Christmas." He said smiling brightly. "Christmas shopping isn't the same without you." I said frowning and he smiled. "Well it's gonna be lit this time." He said causing me to giggle. "So how's the gals ?" He asked and I sighed. "Doing great." I smiled. "Ken ?" He teased. "You still haven't told them, have you ?" He asked. "What should I tell them ?" I asked and he smiled. "You don't have to tell anyone. We're both secretly breaking." He reassured. "I love you Y/N Y/L/N." He gave me his toothy smile. "We're gonna fix each other." I reassured him. "I love you Y/B/N Y/L/N." I gave him my best smile. "Sibling truth truce." We said and both put the phone down and smiled at each other. I watched as he walked away, before he disappeared he looked back again, he saw me then smiled.