Tomas Cudzis and the Struggle for Ju$tice & Truth>Part I: Becoming you...

Chapter 3: Secrets

Above & Beyond – Sun & Moon (Radio edit) 3:08

He wasn't heartless, deep down it was very hard to leave his girl. He knew she planned to change him (just like every girl), and that she was thinking he will eventually commit. He loved her, always very kind and protective of her. But, he knew it was illusion, chemical reaction that will not last forever. And THAT, he will not let hold him back. Just as all of the other losers who commit and settle too fast, leaving any chance for better future in the pussy, making kids too soon. 'Slaves to the pussy.' Not him! It did hurt, it hurt so bad that he wanted to cry in privacy, and had to fight it in the public. It felt like he could never get over her, but knew, that she will never get over him (and that had hurt him even more, he didn't want her to hurt because of him). It felt like he was making mistake, but he knew THAT, is an illusion! All of the possible scenarios that he had exercised in his mind, including her coming with him (she would have go, even though she would hate China), always resulted in her holding him eventually back, or leaving him. He had no intention to marry her soon, nor to have kids with her. And because she was truly in love with him, she, as every woman, would eventually try to trap him in the relationship via "accident", in the form of a child. If she was more like him, logical and grown up, it perhaps may have worked. He needed at least 12 Years more. She would never wait for another 12 Years before having kids or getting married, never. And in 12 Years, only god knows how he would have feel about her. Most likely like every other man. 'It's time for new, better 'model.' Timing wasn't simply right... Should he met her 12 Years later (while she is still 20 years old) he would have married her and give her family in a heartbeat. 'What else, better, could await him out there?' She was more than "good enough", but he wasn't 32, he was 21 years old. And she was a typical woman/girl. Child really, in grown up body. Nothing wrong with that, that's why he loved her so much. Very innocent, playful, bit of a dummy (in a good way), because she was really pretty (pretty women don't need to know much), but not dumb. She loved to learn new things! Tomas often talked to her about many different subjects, and she would absorb it and make her own conclusions. She was more than capable of critical thinking (even though it was mostly based on emotions, not facts, just as any other woman would). His protective/guardian natural instincts were of the charts with her. Same like of his mom, or sister. Nothing could happen to them, not when he was around. He had to watch himself not to be paranoid and overreact in certain situations. Dad? He can take care of himself. Should he ever need help of course he would step in, but natural protective instincts were non-present with him. Never worried about him (unless occasional health situations). He was a man, and a big one for a fact. 'Who worries about man?' Tomas would have said.

God, it was hard to leave her, but it was for the best. For him, and for her too. He told everybody he is going to the UK (United Kingdom), as he knew they probably wouldn't give him any money at all, should they know he is planning for a better future in the China. He felt bad about it, but end of the day, once he is there, and he will get the money to give back to his grandma, he could come up "clean". It wouldn't matter... His sister left to the US already, just before he started his Gym job 2 years ago. His parents were not on good terms (what a surprise after almost 20 Years together), and he knew that once he's gone too, as there are no more siblings, his parents probably going to divorce. And he was right...It didn't even take one month for them to file for divorce. His mom left to live with his sister into the US. She lived in Las Vegas. Dad stayed back in the old flat in the Slovakia.