happy new year(please read ♡)

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HAPPY NEW YEAR GUYS
*insert new year joke*


so to start of the new year this is sort of like a new year visionary thing. you know when people tell you what direction they want to go in and what their goals are?

well to be honest I don't have any set goals but I do have a motive that I am going to live by this year.

the motive that I have always—and will continue applying to my works is to be confident in myself and follow my heart.

some of you know this because I mention
it so much, some of you already know the
story because Im always telling it.

but just as I tell it every other time I will tell
it again because it is the main foundation that teabaq was built off of and without it I wouldn't be here doing what I love.

likewise, the tea kettle has grown so much larger (hehe I just made that up, I think its
cute, jk y'all are family not a fandom ♡)

and I always like to share my story with the newcomers who happen to stumble upon this page so you all can know me and why I am the way that I am.

(apologies, it got a bit long winded as I realized I had a lot of venting I wanted to do and ended up crying a bit after getting my feelings out)

so over some years ago I was a writer by a different name—and I don't even remember that name because it never had any meaning to me.

back then I always wanted to write but I kept trying to measure my "success" based off of the number of likes, follows, and comments. y'know just validation from others.

I wanted that message board filled with people who would tell me how much they love my works or get spammed with messages from other writer friends, I wanted to be that writer that was getting nominated for things and was being recommended to people and getting tags in books that someone dedicated to me.

I dreamed of having 1k follows for the longest time because I thought that was a symbol of success.

I always noticed at least in the people that I followed—if they had 1k follows then they usually had the spammed message board, an army of people always at the ready whenever they posted something and they seemed to have a glamorous wattpad life honestly.

so I was always intimidated by people who had a high number of follows and to be very honest I still do get intimidated when I see someone with 700 follows or even 300, and in the back of my mind I think "wow they are so popular."

but to be honest I don't know why I desired online validation so much. perhaps its because in real life I don't have friends that I can show my works to, and I'm too shy to show my family(though my family is aware that I write because they are very generous and buy me writing resource books to encourage my love)

likewise, the only person I tell about my writing (usually asking her opinion on a concept, or reporting major accomplishments like finishing a book) is my sister but even then I refuse to tell her my username because I don't want her to judge my works.

so perhaps I searched for validation because I had nowhere else to get it and sometimes I felt like I wasn't doing anything with my life. I'm jokingly titled the "lazy" member of my family because I do sleep a lot during the day and I don't tell my family that its because I've stayed up till 6 am editing drafts and working on story concepts.

and sometimes its hard to have a hobby that you cant show off to others, and I'll admit that I would get jealous when I see my little sister playing the piano or being really intellectual and watching my parents praise her while all of my talents are things that I rather not show.

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