New Year's Day

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(A/n: late af, I know, but I only had the idea to do this last night at 1am and I wanted sleep so I decided to just write it today. My apologies.

Happy New Year everyone! And I will write some sort of intro to this at some point in the future. I just haven't done it yet. Thank you so much for supporting me and my books in 2017, and I hope you enjoy them in 2018 as well. Equally, I hope that BTS and every other group I stan have an absolutely wonderful year and don't get hurt or overworked.

Thank you again, and Happy New Year everyone!!


P.S  angst warning get a soppy song on for ultimate feels. Nearly cried writing it, so hopefully you can feel that too)

He's got a girlfriend.

I know that. I've known that ever since he came running to me, face bright and eyes joyful, telling me that she'd accepted his feelings, which he'd had for years, and that they were now dating. I bit back the pain in my heart and I told him that I was proud, that I'd seen it coming. That nobody would be able to resist the great Jeon Jungkook.

But I never told him what I really felt.

I wanted him to stay with me, be my best friend still, but he let me down. He gave up on our friendship for this girl, spending more time with her than he did with me over fourteen years of friendship. I faded into the background, and became an advisory figure. I was the one that brought his hopes up after every fight, even though my heart was screaming at me to get the two of them to break up.

I don't want him to be hurt like that.

I don't even know why he invited me to this party, honestly. It's just New Year's, and I wasn't invited last year because he wanted her to be there, so that he could kiss her on the stroke of twelve.

I'm just glad I didn't have to see that.

Because every time I do, it rips me to pieces.

She is here too, so this year I will have to hold in my tears and look away, and I know that. They've been together for a long time now, maybe just over a year, and every moment has pulled the fragments of me further away from each other. But I just can't back away. He's my best friend, and I can't let him down over a little heartbreak. The moment he needs me, I'll be right there.

I know that she knows about how I feel, and she likes it. She doesn't like me, because of that, and because he sometimes tells her that he wouldn't be here without me (he nearly attempted suicide when he was fifteen, but I stopped him and persuaded him that life was worth it). She wants to be the one he depends on.

She doesn't know it, but that's who she is now. She's taken my place in his life. And it's nothing to do with me anymore.

She's won.

"Hyung! Come on, play Just Dance with me!" Jungkook calls out, tugging on my arm. He's a muscled seventeen year old now, one of those that all the girls (and some of the guys) swoon over. He's changed a lot, and part of me wonders if the giggly three year old I knew fourteen years ago is still there somewhere. But, even after all this time, he still sees me as someone to appreciate, or he wouldn't call me 'hyung'. And that means more than he will ever know.

At least I matter to him in some way.

Pathetic, isn't it? Clinging onto a false hope that would never exist if I actually use my brain. Jungkook probably just pities me, sees that I don't have many friends my own age, other than maybe Jimin and Hoseok, and therefore decides that he has to carry on putting up with me a little longer.

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