Shut Up and Marry Me! (Complete)

Chapter 47.5: If only. *Gwen's POV*

Waaaaaaaaaaaa. Nalimutan kong ilagay dun sa isa. Hahaha. O hala. Magkalinawan kayo ni Gwen.  xD sensya na ha kasi super ikli. 30 mins ko lang ginawa kasi feel ko magsulat. xD yun lang. haha.

Thanks for ebreteng, ebrebade. :"> mwahmwahtsuptsup. ay lalabs yu ol! XD

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*Gwen's POV*

I sighed as I stare at Nathan and Gianna's wedding picture. It's so funny. Ikakasal kami ni Nathan pero iba yung nasa puso at isip nya.

I feel guilty.

It's just; I never want to ruin someone's life because I know how it feels like when your life is ruined. I know how painful it is to lose someone you love.

Let me introduce myself. I'm Gwen Steff Mendoza. 22 years old. The one you guys hate the most. And...

A product of a stupid, broken family.

Heck, because of it, I learned how to use people. And, you guessed right. One of them was Nathan. Alam mo yung pakiramdam na wala ka ng pakielam sa ibang tao, mabuhay ka lang ng maayos? Ganon ginawa ko. I used Nathan and cheated on him with his "friend." But, you know what? If only I wasn't blinded by that so-called love, baka akin parin si Nathan.

Yes. I was blinded. I saw all the things I want to see in a guy with Jeff. Only to realize later that Nathan was the one who truly cared for me. How? Because that effing Jeff just used me to get what he wants. And, what a fool I have been because I gave everything I had. After realizing that he doesn't really care for me, it's too late to go back to Nathan.

I heard a merry laugh just outside Nathan's room. Kaya naman lumabas na ako. My heart clenched when I saw my child. How can I let my child be a product of a broken family too? How can I let him have a father who doesn't care about us? How can I protect him?

Call me a bitch, slut or what but I don't care. I know only Nathan can love him truly. Because that's the kind of person he is. He's the only person I can trust. Hindi yung walangyang ex ko na nagawa pang ipalaglag yung unang anak namin. Tell me, how can I let him hurt our child again? I don't know what to do at that time. Wala akong matatakbuhan. That's when I met Nathan again. At that moment, I decided. Nathan will be my child's father.

So, I invited him for a drink, drugged him and pretended that something happened. When he woke up, I was naked in his arms. It was too late when I learned that he was married. Gianna already lost the child and left Nathan. It was hell for me and Nathan that time. Kasi alam ko kung gaano kasakit mawalan ng anak. Alam ko yung pakiramdam na parang ginago ka lang. Yung parang ginamit ka lang. Kasi alam kong ganun ang pakiramdam ni Gianna. Akala nya ginamit lang sya. Pero ang di nya alam, minahal talaga sya.

I'm jealous of her. She has friends, family and Nathan. Everyone loves her. Unlike me. I'm being hated. Even by my own family. Only Nathan loved me truly. Maybe that's the reason why I just can't give him up now and tell the truth. Kasi takot akong mawala yung nag-iisang nagpapakita ng pagpapahalaga sa akin. Yes, I'm desperate.

How can I not be? Walang nagpakita ng pagmamahal sa akin! Sarili kong magulang, pilit akong inaayawan! Lumaki ako sa bahay na puro sigaw, away, mura, gulo at sakit. Alam mo ba yung pakiramdam na yung gigising sayo sa umaga eh yung away ng parents mo? Yung pagkatapos kang bigyan ng pera, bahala ka na? Yung kahit magpakagaga ka, wala silang pakielam? Yung kahit hiwalay na sila, walang nagbalak kumupkop sayo? Ganon yung buhay ko bago ko nakilala si Nathan. Ganon na ganon.

Kaya lang eh, ang gaga ko. Iniwan ko si Nathan. Akala ko may babalikan ako kung sakali. Yun pala, wala. Kasi minahal na nya asawa nya.

"Mama, why aw you cwaying?" Daniel suddenly said when he came to me. Then, he wiped my tears. Di ko pala namalayan na umiiyak na ako.

I smiled at him. If only I can protect him on my own. But maybe, I am protecting him in my own way. "It's nothing, baby. Just promise me. You have to be a good person like daddy."

He smiled at me widely that almost made me cry out. I won't let anybody hurt my innocent angel. "Yes, mama. I will because I lab daddy!"

I nodded and kissed his forehead. It's impossible but, if only I had the chance to start again, I will. If only I can turn back time where I meddled in Nathan's life, I won't interfere in his life.

But, now? I just can't give up. I just have to continue and hope for the best. And, for that, I'm sorry Nathan and Gianna. I really am sorry for all those things that I have done.