Who We Used To Be // h.s

31

Appropriate songs for this chapter:

Adele - Hiding My Heart.

Ed Sheeran - Supermarket Flowers.

Coldplay - Fix You.

Harry.

I watched Emma quietly as she finished getting ready to head over to her dads. She had gotten Alex ready first, letting him sit with her mum while we got ready. The room was silent as we moved around each other. I wanted to clear the tension, but I also didn't want to add fuel to the fire.

"Shall we take my car save us taking Alex's seat in and out?"

I look at her. "Yeah, whatever's easiest."

She nods. "I'm ready so I'll go get him in the car,"

I swallow. "Okay I just need to get some socks on,"

Once I was ready I grab my phone seeing a message from Cameron on it.

C: I can get the paternity tests done earlier. Would you be able to fly out next thursday?

H: The 4th?

C: Yes

H: Should be fine.

I was sure I hadn't made any plans. I'd be spending New Year's Eve day with Gemma and friends before heading to Emma's and seeing the new year in with her - if she still wants to now - and then we'd just spend a couple days chilling out.

C: Great!

"We don't have many plans after new years, do we?" I ask as Emma drives us.

"Erm," She frowns. The tension had died down a little now we were around Alex. "I don't think so, no. Alex starts nursery properly on the 8th or something. Why?"

"Cameron's asked me to go over to New York. She's been told she can do the paternity test early."

Emma.

I swallow. "Right, how come?"

Harry shrugs. "Don't know, she just text me saying it can be done a little earlier."

"When does she want you to fly out?"

"I'd go on the thursday, we'd get the results friday, fly back saturday morning."

I nod. "Okay," I didn't feel I could say much or give an opinion. This was between him and Cameron.

"It's going to be okay you know," He holds my hand and kisses my knuckles. It soothed me a little; all morning I'd felt tense, hating that we weren't talking.

"I know," I smile.

When we arrived at my dads I realise his car wasn't in the drive. Taking my phone out I see I have a few missed calls from him. I dial his number again.

"Emma?" An emotional Katie answers the phone.

"Katie? Where's dad?"

"He's in hospital," She chokes on her sobs, my lips dry. "We arrived early hours this morning, he's not well Emma, I tried calling you and-"

"I'm on my way," I end the call and turn the car back on, swiping away the tears.

"What's happened baby?" Harry asks softly. I could tell he was trying not to upset me.

"Dad's in hospital," I mumble following the signs to the hospital.

When I find my dad's room I see Katie inside holding his hand. I take a deep breath turning to Alex. "I'm just going to go and see grandad," I explain.

"You stay out here with me buddy yeah?" Harry smiles. "We can go find something to drink."

I take another deep breath, Harry rubs my back and kisses my cheek. "You sure you're okay?"

I nod. "I'll let you know if I need you, yeah?"

"Course," He kisses me on the lips this time and anywhere else I'd of savoured the fact it was our first kiss in over twelve hours but right now my mind was on dad.

I open the door, Katie slowly lifts her head. She was in pyjamas and a dressing gown. Her face was red and blotchy from crying and for the first time ever I felt an emotion towards her.

I sit opposite her and take my father's other hand.

"They said it's a stroke. He's had scans and everything." She tells me quietly.

I look at him, his face was sunken and thin. His hair more grey than it's ever been. I miss my dad, right now I miss him more than I ever have before.

"So what have they said?"

She bites her lip. "It's a waiting game," She whispers. "They've nothing they can do but provide him with the nutrients to keep him going but-" She stops to wipe her eyes. "They don't think he'll wake again. And think it's easier to let him slip away slowly and comfortably."

I close my eyes knowing the fate the minute I walked in the room but not being able to digest it until it was spoken to me.

"I'm sorry for never being.. particularly nice."

"I deserved it," Katie shrugs.

I couldn't really argue that, at the time I was angry and she was the reason.

"I now know you loved my father, and I appreciate how much you've been there for him, especially with his sickness. I can't imagine how hard it must have been for you to deal with."

"He's the love of my life," She smiles stroking his face gently. "And will always be."

My bottom lip trembles and I look down. The gesture made me think of Harry. He is the only man that could ever be the love of my life.

"He loves you," Katie smiles at me sadly, handing me a tissue. "He'd always talk about you, I think I know more about you than you," She jokes. "And although you may have not always felt it, it's always been for you, he worked so hard so you don't have to."

I swallow. "It's not fair,"

She shakes her head. "No, it isn't."

"If I could trade places with him I would," I stroke his hand.

"And you know he'd trade right back, he wouldn't be able to handle it being you."

I nod. "And I can't handle it being him."