21: A Hundred Poems

Start from the beginning

     I opened the next page. A poem was written on it in a such beautiful handwriting and black ink. A drawing of the sun was on the top right corner.

"Life seems so unfair.
When the truth is: it's not.
We're always looking for
something to blame.
But, why try so hard when the thing
we're looking is right here
inside us; ourselves.
We're the one who make life seems
unfair by comparing our beginning
to everyone else's highlight reel."

     It was true. There was no one to blame but ourselves. Heck, we made everything complicated when it was supposed to be so easy. I was struggling with life and everything in it. I blamed everyone in my life and at this point, I still do. I felt so low just because everyone around me seemed to be in their higlight reel, but it was just the beginning for me. I promised myself, I would learn to accept the now for a better tomorrow.

     I moved on to the next page. A poem was written and a drawing rose was on the bottom right corner. Who knew she was also good at drawing?

"Life without love is insanity.
Don't ever give someone
a hundred percent of your love.
Because when they're gone,
they take away all of your love.
There would be nothing left in you.
Nothing but insanity."

     I just realized it that it all made sense now. I was almost heartless. Loveless. I gave my mother all of the love I could give, and now she was gone. She took it with her and didn't leave any. She took all of it. And here I was, living without love, but with insanity instead.

     The next page had a shorter poem than the previous ones. A drawing of two hands holding each others were on the bottom of the page, right under the written poem.

"Let it all go when you're ready,
not because you're forced to be ready.
Don't force yourself to face something
you're not ready to face.
It will only torture you mind,
body, and heart.
Everything takes time.
And when you finally walk away,
when you finally let go,
don't ever turn back.
Keep walking."

     Exactly. I had been torturing myself in my whole life, forcing myself to let it all go and pretending to be strong. Everything that was forced wouldn't end good. I would let go when I'm ready. But, I was not sure if I was close to ready or not.

     The next page was full of stars and a drawing of the moon on the top of the poem.

"This could be one of your
episodes of life, when the days seemed
so dark and the waters felt so cold.
But, don't give up.
Just like every movies,
the happiness comes in the end.
When the devils were defeated
and the angels cheered in victory.
There would be the end of all episodes,
when the night seemed so bright
and the thorns felt so soft
against your skin.
And in order to reach the finish line,
you'll have to keep running."

     How long was I supposed to keep running? My foot were too sore, my mind were too dizzy, and my heart were too broken. How was I supposed to keep running where I was not even sure where was I even running to?

     A drawing of a cloud with lightning and rains was next to a rainbow on the bottom right of the page. In between them, "Vs." was written.

"The world could offer rainbow but we
would choose the storm instead.
The question is "Why?".
The answer is easy yet so complicated;
the storm lets us know that
we aren't furious about life alone,
while we are jealous of the rainbow
because it seems so happy and bright
and cheerful all the time.
We don't want to suffer alone.
We let the jealousy takes the best of us.
Jealousy will only drown you
alive into the streaming waters.
It will only burn you alive
into the burning flames.
And the rainbow would never be there
to save you,
because you didn't choose it
in the very beginning."

     The poem was a longer way of saying "Be wise on making a decision.". There were a lot of decisions I made. A few of them turned out good, like the decision of letting Ray, Jackson, Tristan, and Luna into my life. They brought the sunshine I didn't even know existed.

     Most of the decisions turned out bad, like how I let Rebecca and Nathan played a part in my life, I didn't do anything but crying when I saw my father hurt my mom million times, and worst of all, I let my mom walked away. It was the biggest mistake of my life.

     There was ninety-five more poems that I left unread. I would like to keep it for the bad times of my life, because right now I was feeling very happy.

     I fell asleep on my couch that night, holding the book tightly to my chest with a smile on my face. I didn't even remember when was the last time I fell asleep smiling.

     And damn, that felt so good.

♕♕♕♕♕ thank you ♕♕♕♕♕

The poems were originally and unprofessionally written by me, it actually took some time to write on that relates to Aiden's story xxx

Also, I apologize if some of you found it hard to understand Alyssa's note, so here's another version of it that's written in punctuations and everything:
"happy birthday, aiden!
can you hear me singing?
i'm sure you can,
you just have to press the red button.
i give you this because i want to sing to you every night so you can sleep well and have magical dreams.
i love you❤️"

Sooooo tell me what you think about this chapterrr (especially the poems though) & please do me a huge favor by clicking the STAR to vote, thank youuuuu 😘😘

Reminder: I love you guys so much ❤️❤️❤️

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