ryuji to akira

141 6 5

It's so great to have a night with the man of my dreams.

You're the one I love, you're the one I cherish.

You're the one I wanna keep forever.

I'm a freak for your fluids.

Spray me with your juices, make me a happy man.

I'm gonna put one extra large thief boy baby in you.

I got those ramen fed genes.

Psh, ha, no, I'm not gonna put a ring on it.

I'm not gettin' married, you can't lock this stallion down.

What happens when you turn into an old shadow man, huh?

I've seen your mom.

Once that happens, I'm gettin' on the train to Suidobashi, and I'm livin' out the rest of my days in Dome Town.

Nobody can stop me.


My family is constantly typin' away in the group chat.

They're tellin' me that it's uh, time to let you go.

Time to cut you to the wind.

What the hell are you doing with this piece of trash?

You know what?

I stick by ya, I don't trust my grandma's old kooky fuckin' brain.

I'm not gonna haul ass down the 5 in my Odyssey, kick you out like a sack of meat.

That's just not me.

I want to be with you for the rest of my days.

You're my BOY.

Until I'm finished with ya, and then it's goodbye.

I mean, Yusuke, 4 years in art school, this is the best he can come up with.

So, uh, I'd say that's money well spent.

I'm a proud dad.

Fifty thousand dollars a year, for this.

Thanks, art school.

Daddy doesn't want to go in the garage and turn the gas up a little bit too high.

I can't even go to the supermarket without soaking my jeans thinking about you.

I would love to see you just ballooned up to about 5 to 6 hundo.

Your snake cat, can't come around here anymore.

I payed five thousand dollars for a 3D TV, open the box, and it was a pillow with a hyper sexualized anthropomorphic hedgehog.

That's not what I BOUGHT.

Tell Kamoshida he best skip town if he doesn't want to see me and my friend beat a baseball bat to his fuckin' kneecap.

Not a fan.

My dad, Sojiro Sakura, you seen his feature film?

Cats on the Moon, My Uncle the Barista, Big Boy Play Slow, Hard Time Rat City, Ryuji Dog Nation: Pay to Play?

He was a great man!


Hee hee hee


That's a good one babe, where did you hear that joke?

O-oh, I see!

Are you cheating on me with that rat from the thrifty?


Goro Akechi?


(incoherent sobbing)

I was your little bitch pig, and you were my maledom master, that's just how it WORKED.


I bought you a GUN, I bought you BEANS, I bought you RAMEN!



I'll take this plastic fork and claw my fuckin' brain out.

Yes, I gotta take out a rib, and learn how to suck my own dick, cause my baby's LEAVIN'.

Here you are, sleeping around, I'm a pure boy.

I'm a pure man.

I live by the Lord's rules.

Abstinence is just as fun as full-blown sexual intercourse, and I stand by that.

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