Wanderlust

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Before you read: be aware. I am human, I make mistakes. Especially grammar mistakes in a language what isn't my first language. Feel free to correct me. Have a good day and remember you are loved <3

Day 0
It felt like I was writing suicide notes, but that wasn't the case. Well, not exactly. I was killing an old me. The me, who grew up in this town and turned in to a toxic rose. But now I had to leave, I couldn't do it anymore. If I stayed I would actually kill myself one day. I packed a bag and wrote the letters, that were now in my hand. Ready to be posted. I was ready to go.

Day 1
I decided to walk to the station. It was a clear day. It didn't snow, but it was still cold. I pulled my beanie over my head, so nobody could recognise me. When I arrived at the station, I saw Troy. I hoped he didn't saw me but he did. Troy always went to work with the train, how could I forgot?
"Hey Fy, where are you going?" he asked, when he walked towards me. What the hell was I going to say? His eyes were as bright as silver snow. How could I ever lie to him? I decided not to lie to him. My legs were shaking.
"Well, I am just going somewhere were I can breathe, ya know?" Troy frowned at me, did he noticed the worry in my voice? I didn't even stutter.
"Yeah, I get it. This town can be quite suffocating sometimes."
"Exactly" An awkward silence appeared between us. Suddenly, I had this brilliant but bad but brilliant idea.
"Where do you work exactly?"
Troy laughed and scratched his neck.

I felt weird, like I was floating in the air. I had no idea, what was going to happen. "So you are just going to wander around?" Troy asked me, when we sat in the train. It still didn't started to ride. "Yes, I always wanted to travel the world one day" My cheeks warmed up.
"Hahaha, well me too. But it turned out, life had other plans for me" He petted his hair back, but instead the curls bounced back. I loved those curls.
"Why?" I couldn't help myself, but asked.
"My father wanted me to take over his company, I thought you knew that"
The sound of a flute filled the air and the train started to ride. Suddenly I felt nervous and anxious. Like there was a switch, who turned on every emotion on in one time. I turned to the conversation to forgot the feelings.
"But is that what you want?" I asked him.
"Everybody keeps asking that, but I don't know what else I would do"
I looked at him. His legs were spread and his hands were folded in to each other. His winter coat was pine green. It suited with his eyes and his dark brown curls. A business case stood between his legs. I loved him, he was the one who I was going to miss the most.
"Are you okay?" Troy suddenly asked. I stared in his eyes. I saw my own sadness in his eyes. "I will be okay" I told him and smiled sheepishly. The train stopped at his station and he still was staring in my eyes. "This is your station"
He grabbed my hand, stood up and squeezed it before he let go. "Take care" he said to me. "Troy, wait, I got something for you"
He stopped as I fumbled the envelope out of my bag. "It's for Christmas," I lied, "you can open it, when you're going home. Then you have something to look forward to" He took the letter from my hand and smiled at my handwriting. "Thank you"

It started snowing again. I saw towns by towns disappearing in a fog of snow. Goodbye. I had no idea what to do with myself. I went through my bag. I had my camera, some clothes, a new sim for my phone and a notebook. If I was going on an adventure I better wrote it down, right? I sighed, wondering if i made the right decision. Ugh.
Something out of the window got my attention. Big buildings. Did we already arrived in the city? I wanted to get out. It was a long time ago since I went to the city. I took a picture of the sight I had.

It didn't took long till the train stopped. My adventure officially began. Goodbye old life, hello new life. I stepped out. A fresh breeze met my face and inhaled it deeply. Everything was covered in Christmas lights. The stores at the station were open and full of people who where standing in line. I didn't feel like waiting on a coffee. I turned my head to the exit. Buildings towered above the station, the tops of the buildings weren't even visible because of the weather. People were rushing in and out of trains. All those people, with their own complex lives, didn't even noticed me. I joined the crowd and walked in to the big city.

After a while I dropped my expectations of this adventure. So far it didn't feel like it was going to be a whole eye opening journey. The thing was, I made me leaving definite when I gave Troy the letter. Troy. I sat in a park when my mind wandered around. My thoughts were interrupted by a random guy. He friendly greeted me and handed me a flyer. "Come to the party, you seem like you can use it" I took the flyer, what was bright yellow.  "Who is Chris?" I asked him while he already was walking a way. "I have no idea, another rich guy"
Kaching! Maybe I could score a place to sleep. I was poor now. The party was tonight! Lucky me. Although I had no idea where this rich guy's house was. The phone in my bag was my only option to get there. I put my phone on and already thousands of notifications came on to the screen. 'Why aren't you at work, is it true?' 'Didn't thought you were another fake bitch' 'wtf where are you?'
I deleted all the messages and all my numbers, except Troy's and Katie's. I loved them, I could never fully erase them out of my life. They were the only strings I wanted to keep to my old life.
I put my new SIM card in my phone and threw the old one in the pond.  Then I took a deep breath.

I just sat still. Listened to the singing birds although they didn't showed themselves. I smelled the smell of the cold while the sun stung in my eyes. The people who were walking in the park were old and grey. There was a man walking his dog and he bumped in to another woman with her wild dog. That is love being born, was the thought that crossed my mind. When I couldn't watch it any longer I decided to walk towards the heart of the city.
The more I walked towards the city, the more sounds added up. Cabs, buses, skaters. The sounds of heels clicking on the sidewalk. It was so pleasing to enjoy the mundane sounds. It was like I never really paid attention to anything before.
I searched up the address from Chris and it was going to take a long walk to get there. In my old life I always called a cab, but I figured out I had to be wise with spending my money. The last time I walked for several hours was with my brother. He was kind of a bad boy but his guilty pleasure was hiking. I teased him a lot with that, but now I could finally understood him.

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Not my perfect writing, but it's a start.
Buhbye