It's been a week since Damian's funeral. I still haven't been able to function normally again. I spend as much time as possible laying in bed in one of his sweatshirts. I hear a knock on my door and groan.
"Go away!" I yell.
The person behind it opens it anyway and my mom steps in.
"I made pancakes," she smiles. "I think you'll start to feel better if you come out and try to get back into your routine."
"I don't want to feel better," I frown. "I just want Damian."
"I know, sweetie," she says. "But you gotta take care of yourself. Come eat breakfast and we'll all watch a movie. You can pick."
I let out a sigh and climb out of bed. I take my usual seat at the table and my mom brings me a plate of pancakes.
"You okay?" Ben asks me.
I shoot him a glare.
"Your sister just needs some time," my mom smiles at him.
"I made you a card," Tony smiles, handing me a folded up piece of computer paper.
"Thanks," I force a smile and look at the handmade card. A jagged heart is messily drawn on the front. I open it up and the left side has a drawing of what's supposed to be Damian and me holding hands. The right has the words "Damian and Autumn" with a heart followed by "forever" and "feel better."
I show it to my mom and she just smiles.
"Thanks, buddy," I hold in the tears and hug my four-year-old brother to my chest.
I finish my breakfast and take a seat on the couch between Tony and Ben. My mom let's me choose the movie so I select a funny Christmas one, it also happens to be Josh's favorite. We watch the movie and I don't shed too many tears by the end of it.
"You want to help me make dinner?" My mom asks.
"I think I'm just gonna go to back to my room," I decline.
"I'll call you down when it's ready," she smiles.
I bring myself back to my room and climb into bed. He didn't deserve to die like that. Why'd I have to be the one who lived? I'd give anything to have just one more day with him.
I wipe my tears only to have them replaced by fresh ones. Before I know it, I've cried myself to sleep.
"Autumn," my mom says quietly.
"What?" I ask.
"Your brothers want you to help them with their lists for Santa," she smiles.
I let out a sigh and she yanks me out of bed.
"Mom," I groan.
"You'll feel much better if you try to have some fun," she promises. "Just give it twenty minutes."
I let her guide me down the stairs and into the living room. My brothers are on the couch coloring.
"Good news," my mom beams. "Autumn's gonna help you with your lists."
"Yay!" Tony cheers.
"Thanks, Autumn," Ben smiles.
I force a grin and sit next to them.
"You know, I think these lists are magic," Ben says.
"Why's that?" I ask.
"Have you ever noticed that anytime we write something on it, we get it?" He explains.
"I don't think that's magic," I shake my head with a laugh. "That's knowing what we want and Santa getting it."
"I still think it's magic," he smiles.
I grab them each a sheet of paper and they each choose a crayon to begin their list. I sit with a bowl of soup while they write, occasionally asking me how to spell a certain item or what else they should put on their list.
"Aren't you gonna write one, Autumn?" Tony asks.
"No," I shake my head. "I don't really want anything this year."
"What do you mean?" He persists. "There's gotta be something!"
There is, I think. Just one more day with Damian.
"Nope," I shrug. "Nothing."
I bring my empty soup bowl to the kitchen and wipe away a tear.
What I wouldn't do for just one more day.
Chapter two! This is probably the first time I've ever updated when I said I would. Chapter three will be up tomorrow!