-Hey what's up? Destery right? My names Marcus. How's it going?
-Oh, I'm doing much better than you, thanks for asking, seeing as how the fold in your pants would indicate that you recently undressed a nun at a city morgue.
-What?! How the fuck does that-
-Say no more! You're lucky I don't call the authorities for the stain on your shoulder from nights spent dressed up like a women, dancing around to disco tech music while eating soup, is it not?
-What the hell are you talking about, man?! That's mustard!
-I'm on to you! And judging by the state of your pocket watch, I would assume that you were a left handed masturbater. And judging by the stain on you left pant leg, thought I wouldn't notice but I did, I would say that you average masturbating session last more than, oh, I don't say three hours. But last night was special, wasn't it?! Fours hours, five hours, six! And normally you get off to watching dogs hump each other, don't you? But no, no, last night was special. You decided to watch planes disembark from the airport and masturbate to it! Didn't you?!
Yeah, I don't have a lot of friends…