if i knew ♡00:56

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My eyes flicker adjusting to the dark room where only a ray of light from the open door can be seen. I stretch my arms and step out of the bed instantly feeling my naked body tremble in the cold room. I shiver regaining my balance before picking up my clothes. 

I'm naked

I quickly dress myself before returning to the edge of the bed. I made love with Harry. I shouldn't have. Now he knows how easy I was and still am. I've told myself i countless of times in the lonely hour  that I'd never let him touch me like that. Because he hurt me, he took advantage of my naiveness and I barely even know him. I promise myself I was in control. But I wasn't.

I harshly run my hands through my hair slowly letting the tears fall from my eyes and to my knees and the carpet floor. It wasn't meant to be like that, I was meant to be angry at him and just nothing sexual. "Fuck, fuck, fuck." I cuss not noticing how loud I was. 

"Fuck!" I fall back onto the disgusting bed and hug myself tightly. "No, no-no." How could I? Why would I? 

"Clementine...!" The horrifically angelic man enters the room, his chocolate curls in a bun and  another piece of me in him. "A-Are you okay?" Go.d, how I crave for his gentle side, his worried green orbs and crinkled forehead, but no, I'm in control. 

I'm in control I think to myself repeatedly. "Clementine- please, please talk to me. What's wrong baby?" He urges, not knowing the affect he had on my foolishness. Once again, I stay silent repeating those mighty three words in my mind. Until his warm hands touch my clothed shoulders. I quickly sit up, scooting farther away on the bed. "What's wrong?" 

"It's-nothing." I lie hoping he'd just leave me the fuck alone before I breakdown in front of him again. "You're a shit liar, now, tell me what the f-what's wrong." If I wasn't in this state, I swear I would've smiled and laughed at they way he stopped his harsh side from coming out. But no, I'm in control. 

"W-What we did before Harry, it was a mistake. Okay? I don't love you like that, I don't think of you as anyone but a friend, or even just my father's business partner." His silence slowly kills me, even though I was absolutely fuming and impetuous, I wanted to hear him say something, anything. "Say something...please." 

"You want me to say something? After you said making love with me was a mistake and you don't think of me as anything but a friend?" He breathes more of a question. " Yes because it was impulsive, we weren't thinking and it shouldn't have happened!"

"Bullshit! Clementine! Bullshit!" He yells gesturing his finger into the thin air. "It's not bullshit Harry, it's me knowing that it was wrong! And you know it was wrong." I hiccup pointing at him. 

"It's not wrong to make love with someone you-you love!"


"You don't love me." I can't help but laugh at his stupid remark. "What makes you fucking say that, huh?" He barks harshly. "Because you don't even know me Harry! You don't love someone you don't even know! You just love the thought of me, but not me! They are two different things so don't you say that!" 

"Well, yeah, fuck, I don't know much about you but that doesn't even matter because I just know, I just know that I love you and that I love how your eyes sparkle, the way your lips curve in a smile and the way your nose scrunches and your freckles move with it. I love what's inside of you, how brave you are and how strong you've been. I, I love you Clementine."

"Did you say that will all the other girls?!" I laugh wiping the tears off my hot cheeks. "I thought we've been fucking over about Georgia and the other fucking shit. Don't you see, I'm trying to change, but I can't change what I've done. And believe me when I say this but if I wouldn't have done all the things I've done if I knew one day you'd come. Yes , you're not the first I've loved but I love you right now and with all of my heart! How many times do you need me to say I love you until you believe me?"

 "-A lot." I cry feeling the bed sink as he sits next to me, engulfing me in his embrace. "I love you, I love you, I love you so fucking much, I love you..." He continues hugging my tightly in his arms, letting my tears stain his grey shirt. 

"O-Okay Harry, I get it now." I slightly laugh feeling butterflies in my stomach and the heavy weight lift off of my whole body. "I love you." He finishes, and by now we were laying down, his arms tangled around my body, my hands on his chest and our nose touching. 

"I love you too." 

And with his hand rubbing my back and our bodies intertwined, we fall asleep, safely in each other's hold. 

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I'm always busy lol, too much homework and stuff but I think I'm gonna post the sequel here too, 

1. It's kinda short 

2. The audience here is amazing and I'd hate to lose you guys because I know I read books but end up not reading the sequel because it takes too long or whatever

I hope y'all don't mind!! I'll also be writing but there's gonna be a time where I don't 'cos I'm editing the chapters


I love you all 

- El

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