LXII

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Lahlani's P. O. V.

"And was it? Was it your fault?" Trina asks sitting her notepad down in front of her. Running my hands through my thick curls. Pulling the hair tie off of my wrist pulling my hair into a messy bun. Trying to blink away my watery eyes.

"I-I.. I d-dont know okay? Yes, i-it might've been but..." I stutter trailing off not knowing how to answer.

"I do not understand why you're asking this. Yes. Alright it was my fault. I get it. He made sure I knew that it was everyday. He wouldn't have aloud me to go a day without knowing that it was my fault. I am the one that made him so angry all the time. I gave him a reason to beat me." I sob out trying my hardest to wipe my eyes from it's water works that continued despite all my effort to stop crying.

"Sweetie, you need to know that it is not your fault. See your ex-husband was a sick man I have reviewed his files and just based off of that I already know is based off of what that says I can't even imagine how he is off paper. Now your case is one of the most complex cases I've ever had. You wanna know why?" She continues asking me a question which I knew she was going to answer regardless of what I say. So I just nod.

"Because you have been physically abused for at least 3 years which went onto a car accident and than a coma. And after that you consciously blocked out all the bad memories of the past 6 years.
I've had cases with physically and mentally abused patients even comatose patients but it never went to extent of your situation." She explain scribbling something down onto her notepad.

"Well, I'm sorry that my "case" is so "complex" can I go now. I feel like this is a waste of time and I don't think this is going to help me get any better." I groan rising up from the sofa.

"Yes, you do Lahlani. But the thing is, is that I can't help you if you don't want the help. You have want it in order for you to get better. What is that they say now a days? Uh.. Help me help you? Now, the first time you were here you said you need to get better for your children and your boyfriend bu-"

"Fiancé." I say correcting her.

"I'm sorry what." She say looking up at me knowing damn well that she heard me.
"He is not my boyfriend he is my fiancé." I continue slouching back down onto the sofa.

"We'll, then I guess congratulations is in order. Now your fiancé. If you are willing to get better for them you need to be willing to get better for yourself. You are not going to get any better doing what you think other people want you to do. If that continues it'll just be like a cycle. And it will continue until you learn. When David told you to do something you did it right? You obeyed? And now your continuing on with doing the same thing with you fiancé just without the abuse as you claim.
So when you feel like You want and need my help I want you to come see me until then I can't help you." She says giving me a small smile.
Rising from the sofa again I make my way to the door.
"And Lahlani, I do hope you decide to come back." She says making me turn to look at her before I open the door walking out shutting the door behind me.

I have to want the help? What the hell. I mean I showed up she should be happy that I did. I already know what Nathan is going to say and quite frankly I do not want to hear it.
So when I got to the first floor and stepped out if the elevator catching Nathan attention I walk out not stopping to wait for him. I just continue walking till I see the car. Ignoring Nathan's constant calls.

finally making it to the car. I stand beside the passenger side door holding onto the handle looking up towards him seeing him speed walking towards me.

"Please, Nathan just unlock the car. I will talk about how the appointment went later. I promise. But can we please just go I am tired. And I just want to take a nap. I just want to take a nap than go pick up the twins. Is that okay with you." I plead as he comes to a stop right in front of me with a worried face.

Giving me a small smile before nodding in approval. He unlocks the car but before he could try and reach for the handle I step in front of him opening my door I get in and shut the door behind me.

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