Chapter 1

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~BAYLIN POV~

Where is it. Where is it!
"What're you looking for?" He says as I feel his fingers trace my waist behind me. I feel his breath as he snuggles his face into the crook of my neck and kisses me softly.
Cameron.
My boyfriend of almost two years now— a year and eight months to be exact.
I close my eyes slowly feeling relaxed and sigh feeling disappointed, "It's not here Cam. Nothing is here."
"Not yet, but it'll come Baylin. Don't worry, you're going to get into the colleges you want." He says as he kisses my forehead and then leaves me to go back into my kitchen, probably for food. He was fit, like holy-shit-you're-really-jacked-and-attractive fit, but that boy could eat.
I sigh again and place the mail down on the front table for my mom to look through later when she got home from work. She worked at the hospital and was rarely home which made me a really independent person even though she thinks she can dictate my life.

I head upstairs and walk to my chestnut rusted door that opens to my room. I walk in and shut it behind me before I slump onto my bed with blue and grey covers with cute matching pillows. I have my bed on the floor now since my box spring broke a few years back but I liked it that way.
My room walls were painted royal blue with lights around the ceiling corners and illuminated posters that I should've taken down years ago because they were all about boy bands and tv shows. My white desk was to the  side, covered in makeup I forgot to put away this morning. My favorite part of my room was the half walk in closet that I could easily keep clean but I always shove the clothes I leave on the floor in and shut the door to give the allusion I keep my room clean, especially before Cam comes over.
A couple minutes go by and I hear the door creak open slowly so I prop myself to face Cam who has a jar of peanut butter in his hands.
He's so goddamn cute but I admit it's hard for me to express it sometimes.
He flops down next to me and as soon as he does I get up, not wanting to be snuggled and I pace around the room.
I'm disappointed with the slow process of college acceptance letters and with what the future holds for us. No matter how much I wanted to cuddle I knew that no cuddles will save me from those thoughts.
I watch as he snuggles under my grey fuzzy blanket looking content but obviously curious on why I'm not next to him.
"You're being distant, what's up?" He says looking at me with those beautiful blue-green eyes.
"What's going to happen after high school?" I say out loud just wanting to let my frustrations escape me.
And I kind of regret it, I haven't really talked about it before and don't really even want to have this conversation but at the same time we needed to.
Cam graduated last year and has been working at a mechanic shop ever since. And for me well..I'm just a senior in our old high school. Life was easier when we were together there, no problems and barely a worry about our future.
"You're going to get into the college you want to get in and go for education...you know that." I could tell he knew what I meant but was avoiding the topic.
"No I mean what's going to happen to us." I say quietly while playing with my hands and picking at my finger nails, it's such a bad habit, my nails are history.
He removes the blanket from him and opens his arms to me. I sigh, wanting to cry inside, as I crawl in next to him.
He pulls the blanket around us and wraps his arms around me while cuddling me into him. I face his chest and bury my face into him while feeling his warmth and arm muscles around me.
You don't cry.
Why do you want to cry.
A tear silently falls down landing on his arm. I look up at him and for a moment just take his face in; his bluish-green eyes with a hint of gold, his freckles across his nose, his soft lips, his perfectly shaped eyebrows that looked better than mine, his cheekbones, his fluffy but straight blonde hair and the little birthmark on the corner of his left eye that faced me on the right.
Everything about him I found attractive and after all this time he's never done anything to make me think of him less than perfect, but I always act like he is and I hate myself for it.
"I love you." I say and see a smile creep across his face as he looks down at me.
"It's been a long time since I've heard that."
"I know I've been a bitch. I've treated you terribly and I don't deserve you. I'm sorry I've pushed you away, I'm just scared of what will happen to us." I surprised myself when I said that but it was true, no matter how much I tried to deny it.
"I love you too. There's nothing to worry about." He said smiling wider. I lean in and kiss him softly, we paused and then he kisses me harder.
He kisses my neck and soon all over my face, tracing his hands along my body and kissing me again.
I giggle and bite my lip slightly.
Our first time we had sex was during our sixth month anniversary and started to consistently but I think life got in the way and it's been a little while, not too long but still..long enough.
We both got so busy and my dad left my mom and I to live his life addicted to drugs, alcohol and women so I just shut down emotionally and physically.
I admit I became bitter towards Cam, probably because I thought he would leave me just like my dad, I knew in my heart he wouldn't but I wanted to project my hurt onto someone.
Already my shirt was off and so is his, feeling his skin on mine felt so warm and right.
I kissed his neck and down his chest as I continued to go further down while unbuttoning his pants.
I begin to pull them down and throw them to the side and do the same with his boxers. I begin to go down and I feel his hands around my hair while slight moans escape him. After a moment he pushes me to the side gently and begins to take my clothes off.
I close my eyes as I feel his kisses trace my stomach. Soon I know that I'm completely naked and I feel him, I moan and he comes up and kisses me. I pull him close to me not wanting his body to leave mine even for a moment. I feel his muscular back and his soft hair with my hands as I feel us moving together.
He's my everything, I never want to let him go.

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