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Colby couldn't breathe. His lungs fought for air that he couldn't take in, causing his chest to rise and fall rapidly with the effort of not hyperventilating. The hunched over shoulders of his form shook rapidly with sobs and gasps for oxygen. He looked at his pale hands as they became blurred with shakiness and tears. The salty water if his tears dripped off his face and mixed into blood, diluting it into streams down his arm.

"Shit, shit, shit" he whispered frantically as he leaned over to get toilet paper which he quickly wrapped around his arm. He was sitting on the bathroom floor with a razor and his hand and he had become dizzy from all the thoughts running through him. He hadn't planned on cutting, something he hadn't done for so long, but Sam was out with Corey and Devyn and it just felt right. Realization hit him of just what he had done - relapsed into a habit nobody knew he ever had.

Blood had started to get through his makeshift bandage, forming lines full of circles where blood bubbled up. There had to be at least 15 on each arm spanning from his wrist to his elbow each one had let out a different problem he had pent-up.

He was fat

He was ugly

He was useless

He wasn't good enough

Sam would never want him

Sam. Colby couldn't stop thinking about him. He felt his head against the wall. All he wanted right now was to see Sam's face, to hug him and not let go, to play with his hair while he edits a video. Colby tried to rationalize that maybe this wasn't too bad. He had a reason to make the far from shallow rips in his skin. Maybe it was okay because they were the product of issues rather than the impulsive nonsensical patterns he carved into his arms back in highschool. Still, the feeling of being simply pathetic washed over him as he glanced at the tissues wrapped tightly around his arms. This isn't what normal people do, much less a twenty year old who seemingly had everything. Defeated, he reached for the door handle above him and pulled himself up off of the floor. He caught a look of himself in the mirror, eyes bloodshot, hair everywhere, face puffy and sighed.

After cleaning up the mess he had turned the bathroom into he decided it was time enough for him to leave his sanctuary of self hatred. Unfortunately for him, it happened that he chose the moment when Buddy needed to go on his walk to emerge from the bathroom. Upon seeing Aaron across the hall it felt significantly more of an issue how blatantly obvious it was he had been sobbing. Quickly he tried to turn or at least hide his face from his friend, but Aaron already had a sweet smile if greeting plastered on his face. Fuck, he thought panicked when Aaron caught his eye.

"What's wrong Colby?" Aaron asked, his voice laced with worry. The smile he had on his face a moment before had been replaced by a questioning look, one of his eyebrows cocked up in concern. Colby was never really the emotional one of the group when they were all together so it was jarring to see that the puffy eyes and red nose of heartbreak belonged to Colby. His hair was splayed in every possible direction which was odd and different due to his normal careful grooming. Aaron wondered if he should even get involved with what was obviously plaguing the boy, but curiosity and care got the best of him so he continued, "You don't have to tell me what's going on but you seem pretty shaken up."

"Uh- um"Colby stammered, thinking fast for an excuse. He hated lying, especially to his friends who he knew cared about him but there was no way he was going to get caught less than a day into his relapsed habit. What he hated more was his easy a lie came to him from the countless months of hiding his emotions, and arms, from Sam back in high school. Subconsciously picking at his wrist he answered in a quiet tone, " I'm just a little homesick"

Aaron didn't answer, his eyes were trained on Colby's arm, where his sleeve failed to cover a bit of bloody tissue disrupted by Colby's impulsive scratching. It took both of them a second to realize what was going on, Aaron studied the way his friend pulled his sleeves down out of habit. Colby couldn't figure out his friends sudden and stunned silence until he followed the gaze down to the blood stained toilet paper hanging out of his sleeve. They made eye contact again and Aaron pressed his mouth into a thin line. He still hasn't quite figured it out, or maybe he had but refused to listen to the nagging part of his mind.

Solby - StitchesWhere stories live. Discover now