"It's not for you to understand, it's for me Joe," Demi breathed. "You're not the one who has to hug you goodbye not knowing whether it's the last time I'll ever hug you, see you, be near you. I don't even want to imagine what it's gonna feel like if something were to happen to you and sure you've been fine for the last four years but we all still say goodbye to you not knowing whether you're going to be so lucky this time. You do not know how much I just want to say yes to us but I-I just can't, I'm not at that stage yet but I will let you know when I am okay? If you want to wait around for that then that's great but I can't expect you to."
"What if I left the army?" Joe questioned and Demi quickly shook her head.
"You can't do that Joe, you enjoy you're job and I'd feel really bad if you left just to be with me. It wouldn't make the relationship real in my eyes..." Demi admitted and Joe sighed leaning back.
"So as long as I'm in the army we can't be together and you won't let me leave?"
"Well when you put it like that, you just make me sound like a bad person," Demi demanded. "If you want to leave, then fine but I really don't want it to be just because of me. You have no idea how much I miss you when you're gone and how much I want you here but I know you enjoy it and it's what you want to do so do it. Maybe one day I'll be ready to be with you when you're away so much, just not now."
"Okay." Joe replied.
"Please don't be like this Joe, I don't want to go into the new year fighting." Demi pleaded slightly.
"We're not fighting are we? We're just friends spending new years together alone watching TV and eating our weight in pizza and other crap." Joe answered.
"So you're okay?" Demi inquired looking at him.
"I mean, I'm not completely fine with it but I can kind of understand what you're saying. I have been thinking for a while leaving, I've done four years, Jack is getting older and I feel like I'm missing more and more of his life every time I go. He changes so much every time I come home... But at the same time I enjoy myself so much when I'm out there, I just don't know whether that's worth missing everything back home."
"That's something that you're going to have to figure out yourself. Maybe go back the day after tomorrow and talk to someone? Do a couple of weeks then if you decide to come home, we'll support you in that and help you get a life back here." Demi suggested and Joe nodded his head gently.
"Okay but can you not tell anyone else about this? I don't want to give anyone any false hope." Joe admitted.
"Sure, as long as you're okay." Demi stated and Joe nodded his head again.
"I'm fine, are you okay?" Demi laughed slightly.
"I'm very okay Joe, now can we just celebrate the new year. You'll be gone again in a couple of days and I'm gonna be wishing I had my goofy best friend here." Demi demanded and Joe rolled his eyes.
But she'll never understand how much he wanted to change them from friends to in a relationship again.
_____________
Joe and Demi watched on the TV as the clock struck midnight and all the fireworks when off. Joe looked over at Demi as she looked back and they both laughed as they shrugged their shoulders in unison.
"When did we get so old?" Joe questioned.
"Who knows, I can remember celebrating this when we were eighteen and we were well excited," Demi spoke switching the TV off. "Now all I want to do is go to bed." Joe chuckled.
"We were probably drunk back then, though." Joe reminded her.
"True, you coming to bed?" Joe shook his head gently.
"Not yet, I'm just gonna chill down here for a bit first. but goodnight" Joe stated.
"What's new years without a kiss?" Demi questioned leaning over kissing his cheek gently and Joe rolled his eyes. "Goodnight."
"I'll see you bright and early tomorrow." Joe stated.
"You wish." Demi scoffed and Joe laughed watching as she left the room shutting the door behind her but Joe found himself following her not long later entering Jack's room. He smiled seeing Jack sleeping peacefully on his bed his little chest rising up and down. He knelt down by the bed kissing his head gently but he was being careful not to wake him up.
"Hey Oscar," Joe whispered as he came over to see what was going on and he petted his head. "Jack is okay, he's just got a bit of a bug that his body needs to fight, then he'll be back to himself." Joe sighed as he felt Oscar paw his pocket gently. "You know exactly what's going, don't you." Joe sat down digging into his pocket and he brought out the ring playing with it in his hands.
He knew it was a long shot asking but he wanted her to be his. She just didn't want the same at the moment.
