What Happen's After

Part 3

She'd died. She'd killed herself. And Ellie had been the one to push her to it.
She dug her nails further into her thigh, the alcohol had seemed to numb the pain and the tears were coming back.
"Yo! Your legs bleeding," came a voice close to Ellie's ear. She opened her eyes looking down to where her nails had dug in far enough to draw a few spots of crimson blood.
"Thanks," Ellie slurred wiping away the blood as she struggled to stand up.
The vodka had hit her fast, faster than she'd expected, and the whole room swirled around her making her feel dizzy and uneasy on her feet. But the memories remained, and the guilt still surged in her gut, threatening to boil over and release itself as a scream, a cry, anything to make itself known.
They all knew it was her too. They all knew Ellie had been the one to film and upload the video. Her peers knew, the school knew, even her parents knew. But none of them cared. None of them blamed her.
"It's not your fault," her dad had said, cuddling her as she cried into his crisp, freshly ironed work shirt. "She was sick. She would have done it anyway. It's not your fault."
"Just a bit of schoolyard teasing," her mother had stated. "Nothing we didn't have as kids and we came out of it fine. No, there was something else going on in that girls life. You're not to blame."
"We all teased her," her best friend confided. "If anyone's to blame it's all of us. But how were we to know she'd go and do something crazy like that."
Excuses, that's all Ellie heard. Excuse after excuse. They were all in denial, Ellie knew that. They had pushed Abby, they had hurt her. They all knew what they were doing. They all knew it wasn't okay. They all knew it left Abby in tears. But they did it anyway. Because it was funny. Because they were bored. Because they didn't think about the repercussions.
Why won't the memories go away! Ellie cried to herself as she stumbled through the hallway towards the kitchen.
More vodka, she thought. That'll do it. She slammed her cup down on the counter, pushing her bum against the corner for support as she wrestled with the lid of the vodka bottle.
"Who the hell bothered putting the lid back on?" She slurred angrily at no one in particular.
"Here, let me help," came a voice.
Ellie looked up as the boy took the bottle out of her hands, opening it with ease and pouring a decent helping into her cup before toping it off with orange juice. His name was Josh, and she'd seen him around the schoolyard, but they'd never spoken before. He was one of those "cool drop-kick" kids. You know, the ones who skip school half the time and spend their time at school either smoking in the toilets or getting kicked out of class. The stoners, the druggies, the ones who join gangs.
"Thanks," Ellie mumbled, taking the cup out of his hand and raising it to her lips, her eyes focused on his as he stared unashamedly back at her. She winced as the liquid hit her throat, he'd made it a lot stronger than the last drink she'd had.
"Too strong?" He asked picking up the bottle of orange juice and offering it over.
"No," she replied. "It's fine."
"You're Ellie right?" He asked taking a swig straight from the vodka bottle as if it were a bottle of water.
"Yeah," she replied, dropping her eyes, she knew where this was heading.
"You know, I used to pick on Abby a lot." He told her, his own eyes dropping in shame. "I've been thinking about it a lot since ... You know ... And I know I started a lot of the shit towards her at school. I don't even know why I did it. You know?"
"Yeah," Ellie replied, the tears coming back to her eyes. "I can't help but feel like it's all my fault. Like I'm the reason she's not here anymore."
"Yeah. Me too."
Ellie lifted her eyes again, looking back into his eyes. They were sad, she noticed, like hers. He blamed himself too.
"I just want to forget it all." She said holding his gaze.
"I can make that happen." He replied pulling a little bag out of his jeans pocket and holding it up for her to see.
A quizzical expression crossed her face as she moved her gaze to the bag. In it were a few little white pills. Ellie had never taken drugs before, and she'd always been sure she never would. But Josh had said they could help her forget. And maybe it would be okay to take them, just this once.