Chapter 41

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Once I had slammed my bedroom door shut behind me, I let myself fall on my bed, a frustrated grunt leaving my lips. Why couldn't Harry understand? I mean sure, I got that he wanted us to be together. I wanted nothing else but to be with him too, but he knew how much my dad meant to me. He knew that I couldn't risk losing him. Furthermore, I absolutely hated seeing Harry get so much hate.

All day, I had to watch how badly everyone treated him. If it weren't in the hallway, it was in the classroom, and since we shared all of our classes, I witnessed it all. He had no idea how much it hurt me to see him get treated like that without being able to do something about it if I didn't want it to only get worse.

I knew what Harry said about us soon leaving the school, but it didn't matter. I wasn't sure I would be able to last a week of seeing him get treated so horribly. So, add these two factors together and you would understand why it was better if we weren't together. I mean, all odds were against us and they had always been. It was like we had started something we knew wouldn't work out in the end anyway.

It wasn't only Harry I was frustrated with. I was frustrated with myself for even thinking that we could be together in the first place. If I hadn't been so stupid to try and show him what he had done to me two years ago and also try and see if he reciprocated my feelings, then none of this would have happened. Harry wouldn't have fallen for me and I would have just accepted the fact of us never being together.

Now though, things weren't like that and I had gone through with all of the things I shouldn't have done, so basically I was the only one to blame here. I shouldn't have made him fall for me in the first place, then things would have been so much easier.

The worst part - something I was ashamed to admit - was that I didn't regret the time Harry and I had shared together. To be honest, it had been some of the best weeks of my life. I should hit myself for even thinking that way, but I couldn't help it. I mean, sex with Harry was just... it was mind-blowing. It was definitely the best sex I'd ever had, and then I'd had sex with quite a few people. Not to be mean, but Eleanor wasn't even half as good as Harry was.

Speaking of the brown haired girl, she had been another difficult thing today. She wasn't happy when she met me at my locker in the morning, she wasn't happy at all. I didn't expect her to be either, of course I didn't. I knew she had found out that I had basically been cheating on her, so I couldn't exactly expect something else. What did surprise me, however, was that she hadn't been very mad either. She was sad if anything, and to be honest, that was even worse than having her being mad at me.

I just didn't like feeling guilty. Usually, I was good at not feeling that way, but with Eleanor, it was just inevitable. We had known each other for more than two years and had practically been together ever since then. We knew everything about each other. How could I not feel guilty? Apart from my dad, she was probably the one who knew me best, so it hurt me seeing her being hurt by something I had caused and done. It was weird that I had let myself fake date her when I knew that I would feel guilty about it afterward.

What Harry had been right about though, was that I hadn't received nearly half as much hate as he had. Sure, my friends had pretty much ignored me the entire day and shot me a few disgusted looks, but that was only predictable. Sure, Jimmy had made a snide remark on the bus too, but I had expected more. Maybe it was due to my reputation, that I was known for being a 'bad boy' and that people were afraid of treating me like they treated Harry, but that was a bad excuse if so. It wasn't like I was more dangerous to bully than Harry was.

Something that surprised me though, was the way I had reacted to everything. A few months ago when I was afraid of just being seen together with the curly haired lad, I would have probably played along with his bullies and even laughed and made fun of him myself, but that wasn't the case anymore. I didn't know if it was because of the fact that I was more grown-up and mature now or if it was because I knew how much I loved him. I leaned towards the latter because I couldn't even picture myself hurting Harry that way any longer. I loved him way too much to even think about it.

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