A New Year's Walk - A Promise

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“Three years later, I was starting to get the hang of living alone I’ve changed, I could cook myself some food if I got hungry without cutting myself or whatever.” Her voice was certainly happier, but with a hint of melancholy.

“But then, one day, I just was dizzy all of the sudden, I tried to get rid of the nausea by sitting down, but it didn’t stop, It kept getting worse, It was getting harder and harder to breath, my vision was fading, I couldn’t even remember what happened, in fact, the next thing I remember is that my mom was panicking while trying to shake me awake”

Whoa, I never would’ve guessed she had a heart condition, I think. The symptoms are the same, so I’ am willing to bet she has a weak heart.

“Over the years, I was afraid that would happen again, the horrible feeling of a heart attack. The nausea, the headache, the fear of the room slowly shrinking around you, and the darkness.”

“Does it still happen?” I ask

“No, it hasn’t happened since” she looks up, and with a rather glad look on her face, she adds “I guess I should be happy about that”

She really should be, experiencing something like that once is tough enough, I don’t think someone with a psyche like her could’ve taken another one, especially one that’s more intense than what she already experienced.

“Ever since then I was afraid of small places, claustrophobia as you would call it, that’s why I took my bike and headed over at the start of Fisher Trail” she gestured with her fingers, first pointing to where we started, all the way to the other end of the road “I rode through the entire thing, and by the end of the day, I was exhausted, but I’ve never felt so, free”

And here I thought, this day, this winter break actually, would be boring. What with my friends all going on vacations on some luxurious hotel, and I was stuck home.

“I’ am still scared though. Maybe, once I think everything’s all right, it might, you know……. Happen again”

“Don’t worry” I assure her “You’re stronger now, physically, or otherwise, I think you would manage”

“But what if it’s worse!?” she asks with a concerned look on her face

“It won’t trust me, if you lived through one, you’ll live through another” I say

“But-”

“You’ll be fine, just trust me”

She got quiet, I don’t know how to say this but, I guess I feel sympathy towards her. Something like that is difficult to get over, and she was strong enough to be just fine.

“Sorry” she says “Sorry about this”.

Sorry about what? What could she possibly be apologetic about?

“Why? What are you sorry about? It’s fine if talk to me, I think it’s better if-”

“It’s not just that” she started getting distant “This whole… thing. I felt alone, I don’t have much friends, and when we met I, I seized the opportunity I talked to you, I annoyed you, I used you just so I can feel better, I didn’t even think about what you felt, I understand if you feel used, I didn’t mean to-”

“No I’ am not” I interrupt

“Huh? What?”

“You didn’t manipulate me or anything, if I didn’t want your company, I would’ve left you, but I didn’t, didn’t I?”

“N-No you didn’t”

“So yeah, we are friends now aren’t we?”

“Yes we are.” She said meekly.

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