Love is an illusion.
Love is not all it appears to be.
It is not beautiful and meek and gentle.
It requires offering another your heart
and a knife—both wrapped neatly in tulle.
And if they are a beloved trustworthy enough, they'll discard the knife and save the heart.
But if they are not quite just, they
will take the knife and carve into
the organ, teasing a sure death.
Love is the product of war, made
up of the casualties of many fallen
victim to the knife or conversion to
The war between Love and Indifference.
Love is not what the illusions
portrayed it to be.
For you see—there's a reason
Cupid carries a bow.
The reason he must pierce through the skin of his targets. Love is much more gruesome then they portray it to be.
They say love is a war you can not win...
And I can recall the moment he
summoned for me, one of his
greatest allies now having
I was thrown down to his feet
and he paced about. He didn't
speak with words but with his eyes.
Disappointment , anger, sorrow, longing.
Raising his arrow, he stretches the bow and releases with a swoosh—the tearing of my chest a mixture of burning hot and wetness as it stuck through the flesh.
I hunch over, grunting, each exhale sharp and burning.
A pain of sorts crosses his face and he kneels down, reminding me of a friend I used to love.
"Love or indifference?"
A grim smile twitches on my lips no matter how numb my lips felt. "Indifferen—agh!"
A second arrow sunk through the first and he pained himself through repeating this chant and ritual until six arrows were forming their own streams, their own waterfall of blood down my chest, down my once white gown.
It wasn't until the seventh arrow did I realize that I truly felt nothing, that the sting of the arrows had faded to a numbing and had it not been for the pool of red under my feet then I never would've know.
I stood, turning my back to what I once knew, my halo leaning and my wings torn—a small price to pay in exchange for my survival.
But Cupid warned me about walking away from his protection, "Just because you don't feel the arrows or the blood, that doesn't mean you won't bleed out. If you want to be healed you must acknowledge that there is pain."
And I turned to him, my limp now unnoticeable to me."What arrows?"
there is no such thing.
—yours never, icarus's drifting feather.
that was an insert of a poem written by rita(you) that will be mentioned in book two, though not shown in its entirety.
also, here are the answers to the reader q from the previous chapter on the four songs I listened to during the story!
"lets not fall in love" that song is very important because it inspired the entire story—without this song there never would've been a rent-a-boyfriend.
"spring day" this song was rita's theme song throughout the entire story and the music video in my head is very kdrama like as I imagine her being pulled around on this adventure of discovery.
"save me" again another interesting theme song, the music video in my head usually played all the scenes where rita or the boy's needed to support each other—namjoon's part of the song was the inspiration for the ending with her thanking him for everything.
"sober" this one is definitely a funny choice but this was the song I listened to mostly for silly moments like any time taehyung was present in the story, it seemed lighthearted and I usually imagined all the characters drunk except that one who has to be sober enough to take everyone home and record their drunken adventures and make drinks to soothe their hangovers.
now as for some of you who guessed
"I need u"
I will give you props because this song is actually one of the main tracks from my new playlist of songs for the second book.
I personally only listened to the "I need u" original music video because the intensity of that stabbing scene really helps with the more heavy hearted mood of the second book.
and while I won't name them all, I can tell you a few songs so you can feel the general vibe I'm going for.
i. I need u original(mv)| ii.the last agust d|
iii. 4 walls fx| iv. boy meets evil(mv)| v. lie jimin| vi. bst japanese ver(mv)|
the reason why I mark "mv" on some things is because sometimes I need those extra effects that aren't in the sound tracks like hearing seokjin say "I'm sorry" while punching taehyung.