Holding Love

Clary: Slipping

This is the first part of the epilogue-type thing from Clary's point of view.  I know that it's been a while since I last published on this story, but I just recently got the idea. Hope you like it!

Between the squint caused by my unfaltering smile and the pounding, deafening rain, I can barely see through the windshield to my car as I pull onto the interstate on the way home from the hospital. I drive as fast as the already high speed limit allows, the thought of the potential danger that I could be putting myself in never crossing my mind.

Myself and the baby inside me, I remember quickly.

I'm going to have a baby. No. Will and I are going to have a baby.

I could barely believe my ears when I heard the news. I was so excited that everything that's happened up until now is just a bright, happy blur. Even despite the fact that hospitals have always given me the creeps, I was waiting for at least four hours because the gray sky was fading to black when I came out, and that it's raining cats and dogs. I'm still about to jump out of my skin.

The feeling of knowing that my child is forming inside of me is simply unexplainable. It's bigger than anything I've ever felt before. I never thought I'd love something that I doesn't even fully exist yet this much. It's like the love that I remember feeling toward Laurie before she was born, times a million. It's just amazing. I can only imagine how Will will feel when he finds out he's a father.

Will. . .

Oh right, I have about fifteen people that I promised to inform once I knew whether I was going to be a mother or not. I whip out my cell phone, dialing Will's number. I figure he deserves to know first, for reasons you can probably figure out for yourself. My grin doesn't budge as I flip my hair out of the way and hold the phone up to my ear. I turn up the volume on my phone receiver so I'll be able to hear over the rain. I turn up the speed of the windshield wipers, trying with difficulty to see the road.

The phone doesn't even have time to ring once before Will picks up.

"Clary?" he sounds so incredibly nervous.

"Will, consider yourself a dad," I say, my face almost hurting from the absolutely huge smile on my face.

He doesn't say anything for a solid five minutes. I just keep driving and smile like a maniac, letting him soak in the fact that he's going to be a parent.

The first thing that I hear from the other end of the call is the sound of my husband crying. Before I know it, I'm crying, too. I instantly try to force myself to stop, because my tears make it even harder to see the road in front of me.

Will tries to speak, but through his crying I can't make out any of the words. I just sort of laugh and cry at the same time for a moment as I listen to him continue crying.

"Clary. . ." he manages to get out. "B-boy or girl? Or d-do you know yet?"

"I don't know yet," I say, wiping my eyes with one hand as I try to see the road clearly. "I'm only about two months. But we'll find out soon."

"I just. . .can't believe it," Will says quietly, starting to calm down. "We're going to be parents."

I sigh, my smile ever leaving my face. "I know. It's going to be so different."

"But amazing," he says, and I can hear a smile in his voice now. "We can do it, Clary. Together, I know we can."

"I know," I say, tears springing to my eyes again. "I love you, Will."

"I love you too, Clare."

He cries silently for a couple more minutes, and I wish I could be with him, hold him. But I know I will be soon, and I remember that I have a lot more calls to make. I tell him that I have to go, and promise that I'll be home soon.