Head Lights

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Rule Number Seven: Ask him why he hates love and goes for endless drives around the city.

The black off the shoulder dress was my attempt at putting an effort into mine and Tom's "relationship". After my run-ins with Harry, I became more conscious of how Tom viewed me, I wanted him to see me as attractive, after all, we were to be married in two months. It was rather stupid the more I thought about it, Tom had never flat out said that he was unattracted to me. It was just a stupid thought that Harry had put in my head by his constant nagging.

I was just fine for Tom and if I wasn't, then I would learn to be.

Tom with his dark brown hair and his cherub face carried on about a story that he was eager to tell me. And I sat mute zoning out from the conversation at hand, I cared, I really did, but I couldn't stop thinking about Harry and his mocking little voice. The way he stopped me to tell me that he cared about what I thought as I was leaving was strange. I was sure he was fucking with me.

Harry didn't care what anyone thought, because if he did he wouldn't have done half of the things that he had done.

"I think Milan would be a great place for a honeymoon" I spoke, stuck in my daydream and catching the end of his comment.

"If that's what you want, they will go there" Tom agreed like always, he was so agreeable and loved to make me happy. I debated whether it was a natural reaction or one from fear.

Rolling the neck of the wine glass between my fingers, the deep red liquid swished back and forth. This could work, this whole thing could work, and years from now I would look back on this time as a mere inconvenience. Harry was sure to skip town once Tom got married and I would simply see him on holidays.

Harry must have thought I was stupid to think that he was actually trying to become a good person. That he was turning his life around to make himself and his parents happy.

"I'm really happy that we're trying this out, and I hope it works" Tom's eyes were hopeful, and I felt the same way all the way through. It wasn't a matter whether or not I did, it was the matter of how bad I wanted it.

What little girl didn't want marriage and children? Every single one. But maybe I wanted it a little more than everyone else did. Because I had the thought that it would be a problem for me to have. I wasn't good enough in any way, it wasn't self-pity, it was the reality.

"It will work" I reassured. Of course, it would work because I would make it work.

Our eyes met in what I would've liked to think was longing, his face coming closer and placing his lips on mine. I kissed him back and it felt good, good in the sense that it felt right. I could love him, I really could, I chanted.

We would be a couple that grew with one another, that we would be able to look back and sees how far we had come.

The vibration from my phone on the table broke me away from the kiss. I looked down and immediately saw Harry's name. Without thinking much of it, I turned the phone around quickly, not allowing Tom to see the screen and who's name decided to come across it.

There was nothing wrong with Harry texting me, it just caused an awkward situation. One that I didn't want to explain.

"Can you grab us another bottle of wine?" I asked.

With Tom walking across the kitchen, I flipped the phone back over. A small part of me, one that I didn't want to admit existed, wanted to see what Harry had said.

"Are you home?" the text read, my brows furrowed trying to make sense as to why he would ask that question.  I quickly responded with a yes, putting the phone on my lap by the time Tom had come back.

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