He'll Never Understand

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Bea's POV

"Well, Cas, it looks like you have the symptoms of a disease called Endometriosis. Now, we can't be sure that's what you have because you haven't had any tests done but I honestly think that's what's going on here." Ms. Olyvia says softly. Cas sniffles occasionally, but is mostly silent. 

"What is Endometriosis by itself?" Tobias asks, his Four mask firmly in place but I ca see right through it. He's scared. 

"It's when tissue that lines the uterus grows in a location outside of the uterus. It's very painful and we don't know what causes it or an effective cure." Ms. Olyvia whispers and Cas lets out a strangled sob. She reaches out a shaky hand toward Tobias and he pulls her into an embrace. 

"What are some affects of Endometriosis?" I ask, rubbing Cas' back soothingly. 

"In severe cases, it can cause infertility." Ms. Olyvia pauses when she sees Cas' confused expression. "That means it's possible you won't be able to have children. It can also cause heavy bleeding during menstruation--or your period--and greater pain."

"Oh, great. Like that can be any worse." Cas says, cutting Ms. Olyvia off. Tobias stares at the floor as I nod, understanding what she means by 'like that can be any worse.' Obviously Tobias doesn't understand the pain we go through every month. 

"Another large symptom is pain during intercourse--you should know what that is." 

"She won't have to worry about that for a long time." Tobias says. Ms. Olyvia ignores him and continues. 

"In severe cases, women get a hysterectomy. But you're only, what? Fourteen? I'm assuming you'll want to start a family some day so that won't be the best option. Another option would be to get a Laparoscopy, which would just be scraping off the dead tissue. But we still don't know if this is what you have, we'll have to give an examination and probably the easiest and most effective would be an ultrasound." Ms. Olyvia nods along to her own words, yet Cas just stares hard at the floor. 

"When would we be able to get the ultrasound?" I ask.

"You'll have to make an appointment, which you can do at the front desk." Ms. Olyvia says simply. "Cas, I do hope that you do not have this. But remember this: if you do, your brother and Tris will be with you. "

"Thank you." Cas whispers, the most she's said today. 

* * * * 

"Cas, you're not going to school today." Tobias says sternly. She nods and retreats to her room. Tobias slides off his jacket. 

"I'm going to go talk to her. You know, girl to girl. You wouldn't understand what she's going through." I say, kissing him on the cheek lightly. 

"I understand her." He claims. 

"Uh-huh, come tell me that when you have period cramps, bleeding, and uncontrollable hormones." I say over my shoulder. He groans and I smile. 

I approach her door and knock lightly. A small sniffle penetrates through the wooden door. 

"Cas? Cas, can I come in?" I whisper, just loud enough for her to hear. A small, strangled yes comes after. I push the door open and see Cas sitting on her bed, her stuffed frog clutched tightly in her arms. I sit next to her. 

"Are you alright?" I ask. It was a stupid question, anyone with eyes can see that she's clearly not okay. 

"I'm scared, Bea. What if I do have that thing? She said I may not be able to have kids, and that's the one thing I've dreamed of my whole life: to be the mother I never had. Other than you, of course. And worse periods? I can barely handle the ones I have now." She chokes. 

"Cas, it'll be okay. Even if you do, there's not a one hundred percent chance that you won't be able to have kids. And think, you might have a laugh when you watch your brother try and understand this." I nudge her arm and she chuckles lightly, tears dripping down onto the head of the stuffed frog. 

"Yeah," She nods.

"And right before I came in here, he told me he understood what you're going through. I told him to come tell me that when he had period cramps, bleeding, and uncontrollable hormones." At that, she really laughs. 

"Toby will never understand what it's like to be a girl." Cas giggles. 

"Never. Come on, lay down. Get some rest. You don't have to go to school tomorrow," As I say this, I click her alarm clock off. "So you can sleep in. I love you." I say and kiss her forehead. I don't understand what she's going through, but she's like my little sister--the little sister I never had--so I'll be by her side. 

"Love you, too, Bea." She mumbles before drifting off to sleep. I brush a strand of hair out of her face before walking back to Tobias and I's room. He's pacing worriedly from one end of the room to the other. I walk toward him and wrap my arms around his torso and feel his heart beating wildly. 

"It's alright, Tobias. She isn't in any pain now." I whisper as he turns around o my face is pressed to his chest. 

"I know, I'm just worried about her. She's dealt with enough stress in her life, why this?" He mumbles, his hands finding their place rested on my waist. 

"I don't know, Tobias. But remember this: God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers. He has a plan, and He only gave it to Cas because He believes she's strong enough to handle it. Just keep faith, Tobias. If you keep faith, it will help Cas." I whisper against his chest. His thumbs draw circles along my sides as he thinks. 

"Okay. I'll try, for Cas." He finally says. I smile as he lifts me off the floor and lays me down gently. He slides in next to me. 

Gaining some courage, I move myself so I'm laying on top of him. I'm still afraid of that, but I know he won't do anything to make me uncomfortable. He rests his hands on my waist, his thumbs still drawing soft circles on my sides as I nuzzle my head into the crook of his neck.

"I love you," He whispers in my ear. 

"I love you, too." I say, which is the last thing I say before I feel the tug of sleep pulling me closer. And that's how we fall asleep, me laying on top of him and his arms wrapped protectively around me, his thumbs still drawing soft circles on my sides.  

Hi. Sorry I haven't updated in so long, I wasn't sure how I wanted this to play out but I figured it out (as you can obviously see, considering I updated). What did y'all think of this chapter? Good? Bad? Undecided? Hope you liked it! Remember: READ, VOTE, and COMMENT! Bye, Pansycakes!

-Love, Emily

Be brave 

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