Different On the Inside (Mikey x Suicide!Reader)

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(DON'T PLAY THE VIDEO YET! Also does anyone else realize that NOBODY does this for Mikey? No? Only Me? WELL SCREW IT! It's very possible! Anyway, as the title probably made clear there will be suicide and self harm triggers in this chapter. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!)

Your POV

You sat in your room, alone. You glanced over at the drawer where you kept...it. You told yourself no. You couldn't. Not again. You looked away, eyes shut tight. You just couldn't keep doing this to yourself. It's not the answer. You tried telling yourself, but there was always that voice countering your words. 'How do you know it's not? It's just across the room. You know your capable of it.' You would plug your ears, but you couldn't ignore the voice in your head that way. You sighed. Nobody really knew about this. You had gotten very good at hiding it. Even your closest friends didn't know. You'd always make them so happy and they thought you were practically perfect, but they couldn't be more blind to what you were really feeling. 

You looked over at your window. You thought about going to see your four mutant friends. You decided against seeing them, but you did leave. You climbed out of the window and down the fire escape. You hopped down and began to walk through the streets, not going anywhere in particular. You were lost in your thoughts, not paying any attention at all to what was going on around you. Now, the street was quiet and nothing was going on, but if something happened you probably wouldn't notice. You thought of all the times you'd so effortlessly pulled off being a happy go lucky girl in front of everyone. They all thought you hadn't a care in the world, but on the inside you felt like you were already dying. You remembered one of your worst days that you'd once again pulled off to make it seem like you were fantastic.

*Flashback*

You walked into the lair, your emotions threatening to eat you alive. Still you had a smile plastered onto your face and your eyes were bright. You looked around at your friends. Raph and Donnie were trying to beat each other at some game. Leo and Mikey were watching. Then Leo looked up and spotted you.

"(Y/n)! Hey!" He greeted happily. The brothers always loved having you around. Even Raph was cool-ish with you. They all looked up, except Raph. Raph took his chance and won. Donnie realized and glared at him.

"Hey! No fair!" He said.

"Shoulda paused it." Raph said. Mikey got up and ran over to you. He nearly tackled you with a hug, like always. You laughed at him, even though you felt nothing. 

"Hi Mikey." You greeted. 

"Hi! Glad you could make it! Now it's my turn to face off with Raph!" He said confidently. You smiled at him and followed him over. They started and you watched in silence with the same smile on your face. It never wavered. You were hardly paying attention. Thinking about what had happened earlier. "Throw her onto the damn street! Little shit can fend for herself! She sneaks out half the time anyway!" You remembered your drunken father shouting at your crying and angry mother. "She's our daughter! She leaves to get away from you!" She'd countered. "Well then I'll make the first move! If she's so desperate to get away from me then I'll leave myself!" He shouted and then a door opened and slammed shut. You heard someone fall to the floor sobbing. You wanted to go comfort her, but you weren't the person for a job like that. After all, you couldn't stop yourself from feeling even worse anyway.

"(Y/n)? Helloooooooo? You there?" You came out of your trance as Leo waved a large green hand in front of your face. 

"Huh? Oh yeah! Sorry! I was just trying to remember something!" You said. The four brothers looked at each other with doubtful looks. "What?" You said with a confused look. Your face still held a playful smile though. 

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