Epilogue [1] – Jessica Moore

Everything felt different to Jessica. Just when she got used to being in the real world again, she was plucked and put back into Heaven like nothing happened.

Oh, but things happened. A lot of things happened. And she refused to forget what she had just been through.

But her Heaven-Sam, he could never know that she was gone. He could never know the things she had accomplished on Earth, let alone the fact that she had gone back. He would write her off as insane. Or would he? Her Heaven-Sam, as far as she knew, seemed ignorant of the life he had led with his dad and Dean before his college days. She kind of wished he wasn't, so she could learn about his world. All that time, lost, all because he didn't tell me. All because he wanted to protect me.

Jessica was crestfallen. Would she have been safer had Sam opened up about that part of his life to her? Would she have morphed into the badass that she had become when in the presence of Cas and the others he broke free from Heaven and Purgatory?

Jessica didn't feel at home. In fact, she began to hate Heaven. The house felt too constricting, too tidy, too normal. The Sam that came home to her was the one that she remembered from her days at Stanford. Her senses were on high alert, which now seemed to be a new reflex.

She had felt herself age when she was back on Earth. The changes were minuscule on the outside, but on the inside she'd grown leaps and bounds. She was no longer afraid of the unknown, she had battled it.

Jessica never thought she'd see the day where she missed living, where she wanted the craziness that she got pulled out of. That kind of thinking would make her seem certifiably crazy. I'd rather take the crazy than the boring.

But she would never get that chance again. She escaped Heaven with Castiel's help, and that was a one-time-only deal. She was no escape artist. She wasn't clever enough to pull that off.

Once, just once, Jessica hoped for a change in her Heaven. For her Heaven-Sam to be more like the Sam she had met on Earth. He'd ask for her help, and she'd be his partner in kicking monster ass. It'd fulfill her need to not sit around and do nothing. It had adapted to her needs when she had arrived the first time, so surely it could adapt to her now, right?

Instead, Jessica was back to her old Heaven routine: Heaven-Sam (as in the Stanford-Sam) would leave for the day, she would be home all by herself, and then he'd return, where they would have dinner in the kitchen, with Sam telling her about his day (which did not involve ghouls, ghosts, and monsters; nothing worth her being genuinely interested in). They'd both then retire to the living room, where they would both get a fire going. They would snuggle on the couch in silence, watching the fire dance and hearing it crackle. Jessica cringed, though, at the sight of the flames. It reminded her of how she had died, how it was the very thing that landed her in Heaven to begin with.

Even in Heaven, she still feared fire. Even in a place where she should feel at peace, the fire brought her anxiety.

"You okay?" asked Sam. Jessica felt him rub her shoulder, showing his concern.

"Not a fire person," she mumbled. I know what it does. I know what it can do. It hurts. It burns. It's deadly.

"You sure that's all it is?"

Jessica looked at her Heaven-Sam. She replaced his features, aged them, with her mind. It just wasn't the same. She wanted to be back on Earth, back in the present. But I can't be. I can't leave Heaven again. "Why wouldn't it be?"

"You've been...different lately. Did you go somewhere and I didn't notice? Do you go somewhere while I'm away? I mean, I'd rather you go out and enjoy yourself than stay here and wait for me to come home every day."

Cas had put Jessica's Heaven on pause when she left with him, to ensure that her Heaven Sam never suspected anything fishy. The angel had done the same for Jo and Charlie when he liberated them. When she had returned, the Heaven loop resumed. "Where is there to go? I've got what I want right here." The smile she put on didn't feel genuine to her. Her words felt almost...forced, like she had to say them to keep Heaven Sam happy.

Heaven didn't feel true to Jessica anymore, not one part of it did. She felt more disconnected than ever. It didn't feel like she belonged. While her body remained in Heaven, her mind and her heart stayed on Earth.

**My poor baby Jess </3**

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