Back To The Begining

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Run...Run...Run thats all I know all I have ever know so thats what I did. His words struck a nerve I wasn't heroic , I wasn't honorable , I wasnt even a queen. No I was a child running from her past , a women hiding behind pain , a leader lead by hate , dieing a fool in a war of wit. To learn you have to open yourself something I don't do something I don't think I can. Since I was awoken all I sall was destruction and for light to win the dark must conquer for in complete darkness does one truly see there true raw strength. But me I'm nothing but a shell of the past that resolved to past tendencies of running and hiding. This is a war,No this is my war. To change I must go back I must find the change that first struck me. To be who I am needed to be I must fake a smile, hold my head high, pretend to be ok , and break through the pain while staying in control. I find my way back to the rubble the place that was once my home the place that I left unprotected when I was needed most.kneeling to hold the rubble in my hand my eyes watch the souls wander aimlessly replaying the events of there final night. Rustling branches bring me to the present as a gust of wind blows my hair back I release the gravel watching it blow away. I stand straight walking around the field blessing the souls of my people and curseing those who took them trying to find a lead as of the purpose. Many hours pass before I head off towards the place that I ran from, the original hell for me. To my surprise the house still stood slightly worn and burned in spots but in other words good shape. By nightfall I had a clear image of my past and the reasons why I left. My memories flowed like a river of blood " No momma. .papa " the five year old voice rang through my head as my eyes beheld a gory sight of silent tears and agonizing screams filled the air that came from the mutilated bodies. Pack wolfs arrived to late as there sight in there ince oh so beautiful field was a little girl screaming covered in blood. Needless to say that was the last time I spoke and the day my happy life went down hill. Around the cellars I remebered all the hidden beatings and locked away nights forced to face crazed rogues. By the forest I remebered the rejection ,the chase and the freedom of escape. By the waterfall I remeber my nights of crying away thoughts of death. In the house ever punch ,slap ,wall toss, bloody table corners, burns, cuts and words flashed like bullets. Tapping the wall like I did so many hears before as I slide up the stairs to my old room where the smell of tears and blood still laid mixed in a tretourouse concoction. I would of stayed longer but I felt eyes and I didnt want to be found. Three dead deer later I head back to boys club or whatever they call themselves with a simple reminder " stay seperate don't get attached...your broken no your damaged goods that no one needs other than to stop a war that was because of you". 

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