I couldn't believe it. Sure I was high, but like Evan Hansen, the cute and perfect little guy is, well, broken. Literally, too.
It hurt to hear it. It sounds weird but I don't want to see him hurt. I don't even know the guy, really, but something about him makes me all happy. Happiness is so cool.
I realised that Evan was even more nervous and anxious and shy than I had anticipated. Probably because of his mind and his problems. His life isn't great. He tried to end it. Really, I wouldn't say Evan and I are that differen- well we totally are. But we're both not okay, as he put it.
He confided in me and I did the same with him. It was nice to let it all out. Speaking of, high-me decided, when the conversation died, to try something. The conversation had been emotional to the point that Evan had teared up a little. He looked away until I said his name. He looked up. I leaned in.
Then, of course, Zoe walked right in. Evan and I pulled away quickly, both of us red in the face.
"Hi- oh. Evan, Connor? What's up?"
For what was probably the first time, I was speechless and had started stuttering quietly. I didn't know how to respond yet..
Meanwhile, Evan had been full of words. He was rambling, trying desperately to explain what wasn't as important as he spoke of.
"Well, see, Connor was hidin- well no, not hiding. I walked insid- I came in and he was here and I was here and he um-"
"Evan came in about a minute before you did. He asked why I was out here. I about to tell him until you showed up," I said quietly, but loud enough that Zoe should have gotten the message to leave.
"Why were you out here the-" Zoe started. "You know what? Never mind. Just.. Evan, your mom probably wants you home now, yeah?"
"Um I guess. Um bye Zo, and.. bye C-Connor," Evan muttered as he stood up to leave. I waved a little and slumped against the wooden wall.
As I walked away, I heard Zoe ask Connor, "What did you do to him? Evan seemed really tense as soon as I walked in. You know I noticed that. And you, for once were speechless. Shocking, actually." I kind of missed the rest.
I had a million thoughts racing through my mind as I walked the five minute walk back home.
To add to those thoughts, my mom wasn't home, as usual, but Jared was. His car was parked outside, near the sidewalk. He was parked far enough away from my house that one would think he was trying to go to the neighbour's house.
I walked into my house and called, "H-Hello?"
I heard faint shuffling in the hallwa- no, it was in my room, I think. "Jared?"
"Damn, how'd you know it was me?" Jared opened my bedroom door and rushed over to me. Was he about to hug me? Never mind that. He started asking where I was. He's such a dad frie- dad family friend.
"Where were you? I thought we were going to um study together, like buddies do, heh," he lied.
"I was- well.. wait, Jared, why were you in my house? How did you get in? I- Wha-"
"Your mom leaves the backdoor unlocked just in case you don't have your key."
"How do you know that," I wondered aloud.
"Ugh dinners and get togethe- Where were you? You said you tell me everything just the other day. I thought we were, well, friends," he said, his expression softening. Jared sounded a bit hurt. He seemed to hide it well, but I could tell that he probably meant it. I hope..
"I thought the only reason you even talk to me is because of your car insurance," I said, but I didn't realise it until it came out. I wanted to be.. better friends with Jared, and I don't know what I've done now. (hell yeah I'm using parts of the actual script)
"So?" Jared looked a tad surprised with my sudden confidence and sudden comeback.
"So maybe the only reason you talk to me, Jared, is because you don't have any other friends," I told him, hitting him where it hurt. It was easy to read Jared after knowing him for so long. I knew about his desire to just be liked and to have friends to talk to. I knew he concealed his insecurity with fake swagger and fake confidence. I knew Jared lied about talking with his "real" friends, when he was really just trying to make some at all. I felt horrible for bringing it up.
Jared's eyes changed from disappointment and sincerity to a mix of pain and anger and helplessness. Like a little boy.
"I could tell 'em everything," he said, trying to change the subject. Trying to attack me instead of the trivial issue of where I was earlier.
What was I doing? I don't want to fight. I don't like to fight. I started to heat up a bit. My eyes were ready to water at any second. Jared is my closest fam- um friend. I hate this.
Wait... Did Jared say he'd tell "him," or "'em" everything? Wait, what if he knows about Connor? My mind is racing and I'm having trouble thinking.
Jared would know that...
"Go ahead. Tell him, Jared. Tell him. I don't care," I said, hoping he meant "them," and that "everything" was not a big deal to me. He was probably just getting in my head.
He looked defeated now. I felt absolutely terrible. I knew he wasn't going to end this well.
"Fuck you, Evan!" Jared shouted at me like a heartbroken little kid. "Asshole," muttered, loud enough for me to hear, as he grabbed his sweatshirt and left the house.
My eyes gave up. It was a waterfall down my cheeks and onto my bed. I'd probably be there in my bed still sobbing tomorrow. Over nothing. I didn't even remember what he or I had said to each other. Thankfully, tomorrow was Saturday.
Did I actually just lose my closest.. friend?
I feel like I make people overreact to the stupidest things. I feel like I did especially here. Idk.. Heh.
Yay I wrote 1051 words! I only took me two days (which is a lot bc I usually have one or two completely finished in one day).
Thank you guys sooo so sooo much for reading my sloppy work. Y'all are the best.
I was told by my friend that I should do wattpad recommendations at the end of my chapters. Like "hey read this to steer you away from mine."
What do you think? (they would pretty much be fanfiction for musicals and such because that's legit all I read here..)
Anyway, I will see you lovely humans in my next chapter!
YOU ARE READING
..But Not Because We're Gay - A Tree Bros Fanfic (Dear Evan Hansen)Fanfiction
Evan Hansen and Connor Murphy fall in love somehow. Idk it's pretty basic.. It escalates and twists(?) in odd places so bear with me. I've been promising this for a while so here y'all go :) ❤️