Still Breathing

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Tre's POV

*That Evening. 

Our flight was early tomorrow morning so we agreed to make it an early night. I had just gotten out of the shower in my hotel room when there was a knock at my door. I quickly put on my boxers and answered the door.

It was Billie.

"Hey Tre I-" He stopped and started laughing when he saw me wet and in my boxers.

"I just got out of the shower" I explained.

"I see that."

"If you're gonna be a smart ass I won't let you in."

Billie rolled his eyes and came in. He looked nervous.

"So, what's up?" I asked.

"I uh, I just, y'know wanted to thank you for the other night." He put his bag down and sat on the bed. I walked over and sat next to him.

"Hey don't worry about it, pretty boy. It was fun."

As Billie spoke he stared at the floor, "I think you were right, Tre. I really needed a night like that. I just, it feels like there's something wrong with me and I don't know what that is."

"There's nothing wrong with you Bill, you just need to relax and cut loose a bit more. That's all." I put my hand on his shoulder but he still wouldn't look at me.

"It's more than that, Tre." His voice was shaking a bit, "Tre, I don't like anything about myself."


"I don't know who I am anymore. I keep booking gigs for us to distract myself but tomorrow we're going home and I don't know what the fuck to do."

Billie started crying. I immediately pulled him into my arms and held him.

"Come on Bill, how can you say that?" I asked. "The entire world fucking loves you."

"So? They don't even know me! They just like the idea of me."

I didn't know how to respond to that so I just kept holding him.

"I've just felt so broken and I thought maybe dating Adrienne would fix that but when I tried to talk to her about this she just told me to get over it. She thinks that because I'm famous and shit I have no reason to be sad."

I was stunned. I felt furious that she would tell him that. "Billie, you're allowed to be sad. Just because your situation is different from hers doesn't take away from your emotional state."

He kept crying softly into my shoulder. I held him tighter.

"Billie I've wanted to say this for a while now but..." I took a deep breath, "Adrienne isn't good for you. I actually think she's been making you worse."

Billie sat up, "No. No, you're wrong! She cares about me, I'm lucky she puts up with me."

There's that toxic mindset again.

"Billie, no one should be 'putting up with you.' You can't think like that."

Billie looked stunned. He sat in silence for a moment before saying,

"I'm just so scared to be alone, Tre."

"Billie, look at me." I took his face in my hand so he would have to look at me. "Look at me. You're not alone. You were never alone. Mike and I are here and we'll never leave you. No matter what you go through, you'll never have to go through it alone."

Billie looked like he was trying to say something but couldn't get the words to come out.

"It's ok." I told him and continued to hug him.

"Fuck, if I knew that I wouldn't have been reading all those books."

I laughed, "What do you mean?"

"I just felt so alone and when I was reading it felt like someone else was there. I didn't feel alone anymore."

I couldn't help but laugh, "Billie that's fucking adorable."

He laughed too. His smile quickly faded, "I have to break up with her, don't I?"

"Yeah, but it's going to be ok. It'll hurt at first but than you'll feel better." Billie nodded and began to cry again. I rubbed his back and held him.

"It's ok to cry, Billie. Never feel bad about feeling sad, ok?"

I looked around the room and saw Billie had brought his bag with him. I let go of him for a second, got up and went to his bag.

"What're you doing?" He asked.

I reached in his bag and found one of his books. I walked back and sat on the bed. Billie sat at the end of the bed looking confused.

"Come here, pretty boy." I told him.

Bille went to the top of the bed, wrapped his arms around my waist and put his head on my chest. I opened the book and began to read Billie the first chapter,

"Chapter 1: When I stepped out into the bright sunlight from the darkness of the movie house, I had only two things on my mind: Paul Newman and a ride home..." 

* *

I began to read chapter nine when I realized Billie had fallen asleep. He was still clinging to my waist as I put the book on the table and turned the light off. I did my best to move slowly so I wouldn't wake him. I wrapped my arms around him and kissed his head. As I began to fall asleep I heard Billie mumble, "I love you, Tre."

I smiled, "I love you too, Billie."

We slept in each others arms for the rest of the night.

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