Random Stuff

:'(

The rain is drumming on the roof, and I'm feeling rather small and insignificant, like the universe is trying to crowd me out. 

I've been having a lot of headaches these last couple of months. Like, enough that for a while even making it to my first class of the day was an accomplishment. Even before it got that bad, I didn't have the energy to as much as seriously consider doing my homework, and I was absent at least once a week. Which, since I had a major workload from my really awesome special arts program classes the second half of the day, was a huge problem. I wanted to do my work so I would get high enough grades to stay in the program, but I couldn't, and I almost wanted to quit on my own terms rather than getting far enough behind that I would get kicked out. But at the same time I really cared about this art program-- it was awesome enough that I called it a Hogwarts equivalent several times-- and so I couldn't bring myself to do it. 

Well, at least until the headaches did get bad enough that I didn't make it past my first three classes for several weeks in a row. Considering that they're probably stress headaches, and I was really stressed out about going to my classes the second half of the day and having to face how far behind I was (even though I know the teachers would have been really understanding, and tried to help me through it) that's not really surprising. But that time away allowed me to (mostly) let it go, and I eventually managed to make the decision to quit and then, a week or so after that, actually inform my mom of this decision and send my teachers an email about it. 

Well, apparently the email bounced. And it seems to have hit me really hard. 

I'm crying right now. Not full on sobbing, not even large drops, but it's a lot for me. 

(Well, there have been times I've uncontrollably cried bucketfuls for no reason at all, but... my tear ducts seem to switch every three years or so between being reluctant to produce tears and overly enthusiastic about it, and they're currently reluctant.)