Chapter IV

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The Feels... ThE FEELS


Zoe and I hit it off and continued talking. It turns out we like and dislike the same things. She and I both enjoy being outside of the house, although I looove trees and Zoe likes skiing with her family. We also like singing, except Zoe likes people. It's not that I hate people (usually), but they are intimidating. Like what if everyone hated me..too?

Never mind my flaws, paranoia, and insecurities. Zoe started to rant about her chemistry class and how hard it is. She is taking a senior chemistry class. Too bad we're not in the same class.

"He just assigns so many group projects and they are all like 'do it at home, not in class' projects. So I have to work in uncooperative groups of, well, skunk bags."

"Was that an iCarly reference?" I was surprised I caught it.

"And he just drones- oh. Yeah! I loved iCarly when I was little. It was my favourite!"

"Really? I wasn't my favourite, but it was up there in the top three, definitely."

"Of course! Hm," she smirked and took a deep breath. "I know you'll see somehow the world will change for me and be so wonderful," Zoe sang. She gestured for me to sing along. I sheepishly shook my head.

"Live life, breathe air, I know somehow we're gonna get there and feel so wonderful. Ugh come on! Ev, you like to sing."

"Well yeah but, um, I just get shy," I said as I pushed my nonexistent long hair behind my ear. Zoe giggled at that.

"Fair enough." Ooh she moved her hair too. It looks so soft. "So, Evan," she said slowly.


"Let's talk about boys- er.. um," Zoe awkwardly (for the first time she wasn't so perfect. and that made me smile.) stopped her sentence.

I felt my cheeks turn bright pinkish red. "Um."


"N-Nothi- I jus we can talk abou- never min- um your hair is sooooft-" Nice job, Evan.

"Uh thanks," Zoe giggled again. She's cute, and I see why everyone loves her. I just like my friend's brother.. Hm that sounds odd.

"Well uh d-do you like anyone?" I asked trying to sound genuinely interested and slightly teasing, like Jared does. Zoe looked down, her hair falling back into her face.

"Actually," she began. She looked straight into my eyes. "I do."

"Um.. Ooooh~?"

"He's cute and funny and sweet and he.. smells good," she laughed, hugging a pink fuzzy throw pillow. "But do yooouu like anyone, Evan?" She said my name slowly, staring straight at m-


Does Zoe Murphy.. the Zoe Murphy.. like me? "Um yeah. I-I do."

"Ooh really?!" She straightened back up, after leaning towards me, curiously. "I mean, like, who? I might know her. I know a looot of seniors- unless she isn't a senior?" Zoe had refrained from winking I think. It looked like she had something coming near her eye but not close enough to fully blink. Like it was a false alarm, and she didn't want to just blink all crazily.

"Oh, uh, you definitely know hi- he- them."

"What's her name?"

"Um h-" I was interrupted by someone knocking a few brief knocks on Zoe's bedroom door. It opened after the third knock, even without approval from Zoe.

"Hey, Zo, where did you put my black nail polish?"

"First off, it's mine. You just constantly are stealing it. Second, I have a friend over so leav-"

"E-Evan Hansen?" The person, a teenage boy, entered the room that was very bright compared to the hallway he stood in a moment ago. The boy's skin was pale, but it seemed to have the slightest tint of pink. He had dark, messy brown hair stuffed into the hood of his dark grey sweatshirt. He was very tall and sort of smirked as he said my name.

Connor Murphy?!


I noticed the other human sitting toward the edge of my small sister's bed. He -- Evan, right? -- was also smaller than me. As soon as I brought myself forward into the obnoxiously bright room, he turned a hot shade of pink. N-Not hot like "hot," but umm hot like.. like hot pink? Not saying Evan isn't hot because, I mean, look. Just. Look. Shit. Why am I telling myself to look at what I'm already looking at?

Fuck. Now they're looking at me as well. Mysterious glare, activated.

"How did you know his name?"

"Mr. Collins' TA last year. I collected attendance. He was always late, saying students' names as I walked in. I always came near the G and H names."

"And Mrs. G," Evan added.

"Oh. Hi.. Evan. Yeah. In second grade, we were in the same class." We were. I made up the TA story. Complete lies. (like the song For Forever, you beautiful lil shitz)

"Oh," Zoe said, expecting me to be some stalker of random guys, but she was wrong. Although she was partially correct.

I've always had some kind of feeling for Evan. I knew he was different. I figured he was a sweet and funny guy, once you get to know him. I don't know that yet, but I'm going to finally attempt to befriend my crush..? Yeah. Connor Murphy, the lonely, mysterious freak has a crush. Hmph.

"Well I don't have my nail polish. You never give it back. So piss off and find it yourself," Zoe shot at me. She gave Evan a kind of look that I didn't know exactly how to describe. For some reason, it felt like I wanted her to stop making the nonetheless "in love" face so I could. Jealousy? Shit.

Zoe let out an annoyed sigh and I didn't fight back. It was hopeless. Evan probably liked Zoe. Who doesn't like Zoe? Oh yeah, I know who. Me.


Woooooowww he's so pretty. I like his face. I want him to ask me how much I wuv him so I can grab his face all cutesy and say, "Hella," then we'd get married and like..

He probably likes Zoe. Wait. Ew no. That's wrong. Don't fall in love with your sisters, kids.

I'm blushing so hard right now. Is it because I can't talk to humans or becAUSE CONNOR WAS RIGHT THERE, RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF ME??

"So where were we, Ev?" Zoe asked.


Hell yeah 1068 words

Most of my other chapters in my other stories were like 600-800 words so I've improved. Yay.

Ok so y'all've (ha) met Connor. Now to finally bring Evan and Connor together? ;)

Thank you for reading. Really. I'm more proud of this book than my others but still not a ton.

See ya in the next chapter!


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