My mother exhales nervously as she mixes her tea with the spoon. "I can't believe you're pregnant." she whispers.
I bite my lip. "Me neither. I still have to go to a gynecologist to be absolutely sure, but the doctor said it's almost impossible to be anything else."
"We're not mentioning this to your father until we go to the gynecologist." she tells me and I happily agree.
I was horrible telling mum, I can't imagine how it will be with dad.
"How far along do you think you are?" mum asks and I think about it.
"Three weeks." I think about it some more. "Well, two weeks and a half."
She leans her head to the side in thought. "It's not too late for abortion."
"No." I say immediately. "I'm not aborting my child."
She smiles at me. "You're just like me. I wouldn't be able to do it either."
I just shrug in response. "It's my fault. I don't think it'd be right to take away its life. And if I did it, I wouldn't be able to ever forgive myself, anyway."
Despite the circumstances, the thought of raising mine and Harry's child warms me up inside, and I put my palm over my lower stomach absentmindedly.
There's a child growing inside here, just below my palm. Mine and Harry's child.
"It's his child, right?" mum asks me and I gulp, nodding.
"Of course. Who else's would it be? It was always him for me." I say and she nods, like it's a completely reasonable fact to her.
"I know, I could tell the second I saw you two together and the way you looked at each other. It was visible from space that you two were made for one another, despite the differences. You changed him, just like I know you would, and let me tell you, not many women are able to change someone like him, someone as damaged as he was. I can tell by personal experience." she says, looking through the window.
"What do you mean?" I ask her, watching her shrug.
"I was young once too, young and just as in love with someone as you are, someone just as damaged. Let's just say I wasn't able to do it like you were."
"What happened with him?" I ask mum.
"He left. He left the States and never returned." she tells me and I feel a gulp in my throat.
"But, mum, Harry left too. He left the US just over two weeks ago, remember?" I say with sadness in my voice.
She gives me a sympathetic smile. "Yes, but he'll be back for you, trust me."
I shake my head. "I doubt it."
Judging by the reasons why he left for Europe, he won't be back again. He'd be stupid to risk his head, but it's not just something I can explain to my mother, so I let the topic go.
I let out a deep breath, taking a sip of my tea.
"So when will you tell him?" mum finally asks the question that I was hoping and praying she wouldn't ask. I continue drinking the tea, hoping that she'd forget about the question, but knowing that she won't.
"Sophie?" she says, and I gulp. How do I say this?
"Hm, I'mnotgoingtotellhim." I blurt out and her eyebrows lower in confusion, obviously not understanding what I just said. "What? Speak more clearly, Sophie. I can't understand you."
"Well, um, I wasn't really planning on telling him." I say, slower and she purses her lips, disagreement visible in her features. "You can't do that, Sophie. It's his child as well, he has the right to know."
"Yeah, but what would it do for him? He's never going to see me again, all that would happen is that it'd stress him out and in the worst case scenario, he'd start hating me. I don't really see the point in causing him distress if it's not necessary; he's better off not knowing." I tell her.
It's true; I know he doesn't want kids, and even if he did, he wouldn't be able to take care of them because he can't live here with me. I could move there with him, but the life of danger and run from the gang with our child with us is not appealing at all. He's better off not knowing, and our child is better off growing up a safe place, even if it is without a father.
"Don't be a fool, sweetie. Your paths are going to cross again, and how do you think he's going to feel when he finds out he has a child with you, and you didn't even bother to tell him?" she sighs. "It'd be much worse than simply telling him."
I let out a laugh. "Simply telling him? Oh, so I just text him: Hey, Harry. Nice day today, isn't it? Well, anyway, I'm pregnant with you. Just thought you'd want to know. xoxo, Sophie."
Mum's look tells me very clearly that she's not amused in the slightest. I roll my eyes and sigh. "Look, I'm sorry, but I really don't think it's a good idea."
She shrugs. "It's up to you, I just think he should know. Now, I think we should go to a gynecologist today, to be sure. Then we'll plan out a way on how to tell your dad the big news." sighing, she looks out the window again, deep in thought. "He's not going to take this lightly. I just hope he doesn't overreact."
"Me too." I tell her. "You know, mum, despite the fact that I'm seventeen and the father isn't here and all, well, I'm kind of happy about it." I say and shake my head. "God, that sounds so wrong, but, well, in a few months I'll have a baby boy or a baby girl."
I chuckle. "I can't believe it. You know I always wanted kids." She nods. "I'm going to love my child no matter what. I promise I'll try to be the best mother I can be." Mum smiles at me while I continuously rub my palm gently over my stomach. "I don't want you all to look at it like it's a burden or something bad, because it's something really, really good. It just came at the wrong time."
Mum bites her lip. "I get what you're trying to say and I agree, yes. I just can't believe you're pregnant." she says deep in thought and then starts laughing, a happy laugh. "I'm going to be a grandmother!" she stands up and sits down on the seat next to mine, putting her hand on my stomach and smiling widely. "I know I should be yelling at you and kicking you out the house right now, but oh my god, I'm going to be a grandmother." she says with such happiness in her eyes that they shine.
I laugh in happiness as well, forcing myself not to think of all the other consequences this will bring, because, well, I'm going to be a motherfucking mother.
What do you think about Sophie deciding not to tell Harry about being pregnant?
Love, Trish <3
next update Friday!
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