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[ night six — 2:11 am ]

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[ night six — 2:11 am ]

IF WE REMEMBERED EVERYDAY THAT WE COULD LOSE SOMEONE at any moment, we would love them more fiercely and freely, and without fear — not because there is nothing to lose, but because everything can always be lost.

I learned that too late, I know how special she is, yet it took me until she was gone to realize I took her for granted. I had always assumed she'd just be there, and although it was suppose to be like that, thats not the case.

Grief I learned, is really just love. It's all the love you want to give, but cannot. All of that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go. I love her so much, its building up and I'm drowning in it.

Missing her comes in waves, and tonight I'm drowning.

I still haven't slept at all, though my bodies finally starting to slow down and need the rest. I refuse to give in though, sleep will never be the same without her.

This is my way of grieving, I guess. Refusing sleep to me is like proving that I will always love her, and it'll always be her I'm forever tied to. Some would say this is unhealthy, but this is my way of grieving and releasing my emotions so I can accept them.

I've learned over the past six days that if you don't let it out, the grief becomes a scream trapped inside your soul, a constant cry in the dark, a sob you can never release. So scream, shout, cry the way the sky does with thunder, lightning and rain... for it knows it's being cleansed, it knows that it's storm is the only way to release the pain.

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