Chapter Twelve

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I laid staring up at the ceiling of the all too familiar lounge room.
The lounge room...
My throat felt thick.
I swallowed hard.
It was certainly safe to say mine and the Twins' first week home wasn't what I'd thought and hoped it would be.
Though I hadn't heard a peep from...
Eyes widening, I pushed myself up into a sitting position, my heart just about lurching into my throat when I almost tipped off the edge of the couch, gravity threatening to take over.
The Twin's weren't in their bassinets!
Heart pounding, I pushed myself off the lounge and hurried into the hallway.
The first bedroom on the right was now Luka's room, because we'd made the extension and Tameron's bedroom was now upstairs.
I paused at the ajar door, tempted to check in on my eldest Son.
But there were infants I had to find...
I moved down to the next door, Luka's old bedroom and what was now Brodie and Dale's Nursery.
The door was ajar, a gentle blue night light glowing.
I pushed the door carefully further open and tiptoed into the room with its soft blue glow illuminating the place.
I wondered how they could sleep with a blue glow surrounding them, but apparently it worked.
Across the room, the cot was standing underneath the window with the curtains drawn, keeping out the slowly growing morning light.
I stopped at the edge of the cot and looked down into the depths.
Two perfect, tiny human's laid peacefully on the mattress, their hands joined and peaceful expression's on their faces.
They yet again didn't wake up once throughout the night.
My mind flashed back to last night.
I woke up in time to read Luka his bedtime story at 8:30.
By the time 9PM rolled around, Brodie and Dale wanted a feed and a nappy change, ruining Blayze and I's chance to have some adult time.
The Twin's drifted off to sleep by 9:30.
I didn't remember falling back to sleep on the lounge, but I'd certainly woken up there this morning.
Why didn't Blayze wake me to go to our bed?
Though it wasn't exactly out of the normal.
In the now week that the Twin's and I had been home, Blayze and I had slept in the master bed together once.
And we'd both seemed to have insomnia, even though all three Kid's had slept soundly.
We didn't lay awake talking, but we'd sure notice when the other one would give up on the idea of sleep for a while and get up to take a walk, get a drink or just spend some time out in another area of the house.
Frowning, my mind whirling as it always seemed to these days, I carefully extended my hand into the cot and slipped my finger beneath first Brodie and then Dale's nose's to check their breathing.
Yes, I was paranoid.
Both were breathing soundly.
My heart pounded with relief.
They're fine...
An all too familiar, rippling noise from the direction of the back of the house reached my ear.
Blayze's alarm.
A good Partner/Fiancé would head down to the kitchen and put the kettle on, seeing as none of the Kid's needed attending to.
But a selfish part of Me was irritated at him.
Gary Bentley's word's from last week's gathering made Me believe Blayze was keeping something about the accident from Me.
And he didn't want Me to join him in our bed last night, if I'd woken up on the lounge once again.
Some nights I would wake up in our bed though and I'd come out to get a glass of water during the night and find that he was asleep on the couch.
We certainly hadn't fallen back into any of the pattern's I'd been hoping for.
The alarm's tone shut off.
I snapped my gaze towards the far wall of the bedroom, the one that led on to the main bedroom.
Blayze was awake.
I turned away from the cot and padded my way out of the room, pulling the door to around three quarters of the way closed behind my back, so I would have a better chance at hearing Brodie and Dale when they woke.
Maybe I just need to quit being overly sensitive?
Blayze no doubt didn't even understand how not inviting Me to bed this last week made me feel.
Maybe he even figured I would have woken up through the night at some stage and made my own way down the hallway to our bedroom, on the nights I'd found myself out on the couch.
Or come out to ask him back to our bed when I'd woken up in there alone.
Guilt twisted at my heart.
Maybe I'm the bad person.
He probably thinks I didn't want to share the bed, because I'd once again laid down on the lounge once Brodie and Dale were back to sleep in their bassinets, letting lethargy win.
Was that subconsciously what the case was?
Mentally I slammed the door on that theory.
We just have to get back on the same page, starting with him telling Me the truth about the accident.
And probably me confessing about what my Father had proposed...
I turned into the kitchen and crossed over to the kettle, taking it off the stand and half filling it with water.
I set it back onto the stand and flicked the switch down so it would begin to boil, then crossed over to the cups cupboard to find our Mug's.
A flash of colour out the corner of my eye caught my attention and I turned back to the wire drying rack.
Blayze's new favourite Mug was sitting there, upturned for drainage.
I'd ordered it for him through an online service as a Father's day present.
It had Tameron's picture on one side, Luka's six month old picture on the other side and a picture of an ultrasound of Brodie and Dale between them.
In bright blue writing the words My First Father's Day were scrawled out.
He no longer had coffee or any other hot drink at home that wasn't out of that mug.
My still favourite mug, the lime green one with COWGIRL'S RULE written on it was also in the drying rack.
I'm losing my mind and not even with the excuse of unruly infants keeping Me up all night, if I'm going looking for our cups in the cupboard after a week of my being home!
I set the mugs onto the bench and went about collecting the coffee, sugar and milk and finally putting the morning drink's together.

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