Was I Your Mistake? || P.jm

Chapter 35

"Sae ron! Please pay attention when I'm teaching!" My language teacher yelled at me.

I blanked out again , for the seventh time today. I just couldn't focus anymore.

"S-sorry . I won't do it again." I bowed and sat back down.

I was tired and restless, and my face showed all of it. Eye bags were forming under my eyes and my face looked pale.
I haven't been eating well as well. I just didn't have the appetite, especially because i was thinking that his death was my fault. It really made sense, for me at least.

From beside me i could feel jimin's eyes on me , eyeing my every movement. He knew something was wrong since he knows it's unlikely of me to just blank out .

I ignored him and just 'focused' back to the blabbering teacher.

-

"Kringg~" the final bell rung and everybody packed their bags and headed out. I noticed jimin was the only one besides me who was in class. I guess he wanted an explanation why he didn't see me at the cafeteria at lunch break.

I really haven't been in the mood to talk to anyone recently because I'm scared i might just say or do things I'm not supposed to.

I grabbed my bag headed out but jimin stopped me. He leaned against the door frame and put one hand on the other side to stop me from going out.

I sighed .
" jimin, just let me go will you?" I said trying not to sound so harsh.  It's just that things between me and jimin haven't been so great lately. I didn't see him in school the past few days and had to deal with my brothers death alone. My dad was nowhere to be found, my mom doesn't even know he existed and also the other guys. Jimin is the only person who knew about him . Yet i still suffered alone.

"Not until you explain why you became so restless, unfocused and pale . I didn't even see you at lunch." I stared into my eyes and by his face i could tell he was concerned.

"It's nothing." I mumbled.

He scoffed.
" come on sae ron, I'm not that dumb to not know that something is clearly bothering you." He stated.

"I said it's nothing okay! It's just a matter if you were here for me and not disappearing somewhere without even telling me." I raised my voice, tears threatening to fall but i held back.

Jimin just looked at me a little surprised at my sudden behavior. Well, I wouldn't blame him. Then he looked at me softly.

" I'm sorry, I haven't really been the best boyfriend have I?" He weakly smiled.

Great. Now he's making me feel guilty.

" I-I ......" I didn't know what to say anymore.

"It's okay, I just want you to know that I'm always here for you and i know you know that. When you're at ease a bit , tell me okay." He smiled weakly and left.

My eyes soften at his sudden speech. I expected him to get angry and start yelling at me for being such a nuisance but everything turned upside down.

I sighed.
" what did i deserve to have someone like you in my life park jimin." I whispered and walked out of the class.

-

I lay down on my bed and i looked at the clock on my bedroom wall. 1:30 am. I couldn't sleep , not these few days. I kept fighting against myself about whether or not i should blame myself for my brothers death. If you think about it, only after he met me for 3 days, a few days later he found dead on the hospital bed and the cause of death? Poison.
That didn't seem accidental to me.

I sighed. Suddenly i heard something drop in the kitchen. I stood up and walked over to my bedroom door to take a look.
I twisted the door knob and poked my head out to look around , and just then i saw my mother walking up the stairs trying hard not to fall down. She's drunk again.

Lately she's been getting home late and in most occasions she would be drunk. I don't she stand this drama anymore too. She loved me and i knew it but sometimes when she's too stressed she just might do things even out of her league.

I closed my bedroom door back slowly making sure she didn't hear me and leaned against it. I need to find jin, for some reason i felt like he knew how to end all of this, and I needed it to end quickly because more of this bullshit i could end up in a mental asylum.

I walked over to bed and plopped down , quickly hugging my unicorn pillow and silently falling into a deep slumber.