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Addison's P.O.V

"Tell me," Lilac whispered. I sighed, remembering back to Francine.

"I was in my final year of my doctorate and I was working in the hospital for my final practical. I had a list of patients to check and to see to. Sometimes I had a doctor with me and others they had to run errands but they trusted me," I told her, watching her listen.

"There was one patient, her name was Francine. She was my last patient for that day. I'd gotten along really well with her. She was a mother of two little boys and was happily married," I felt my heart race. Lilac scooted closer to me and wrapped an arm around my shoulder.

"I went to visit her and she had dropped dramatically. She had cancer. She had a chance to survive the cancer but she didn't want to,"

"Because she would've been in remission," Lilac added, I nodded.

"She called for me and asked if I could help her with something. I said I would. The room was uncomfortably silent and she looked me straight in the eyes and said "I want you to help me end my suffering."," I felt the tears well in my eyes.

"I tried to tell her that I couldn't do it but she kept begging me and pleading because she didn't want her sons or husband to suffer," I felt tears start to fall.

"I told her she had a chance and she wouldn't take the risk. I kept telling her it was illegal and then," I choked on a sob that spilled from my lips. Lilac held me closer, kissing my cheek to comfort me.

"And then, she held onto my hands pleading for me to help her. I-I shook my head and s-she used m-my hand t-to pull the d-drip out of her arm," Lilac looked at me sadly.

"She held me tight so I couldn't put the drip back in u-until S-she fell limp,"

"I-I tried to put it back in but it was too late," I cried, feeling the guilt from killing her rise in my chest, causing a dull sting to fill my chest like when you hear and feel something heartbreaking happen.

"Addison, you didn't kill her," Lilac whispered, turning my head to face her.

"She used your hand out of your will to pull her drip. You said no and she went against your consent. You didn't kill her, she killed herself," Lilac whispered, wiping my tear stained cheeks. I shook my head.

"I'm a monster Lilac," I sobbed, my lips trembling.

"You are not a monster Addison! You didn't kill her! Don't take responsibility for something you had no choice for. I know it feels like you did it, but she did it herself. She just didn't want to have the label of suicide Addison," she told me, love and care in her tone.

"I just feel like I should've saved her," I cried, not caring how weak I was in front of her.

"This is what we do for a living Addison. Sometimes we can save patients, sometimes miracles happen and sometimes me have to cry for a little bit and accept that there was nothing we could do," she rubbed her thumbs over my cheeks, looking longingly into my eyes.

"I've lost many patients during surgery and I know it kills. It literally kills you, but the risks of changing the human body is either life threatening or some miracle happens,"

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