I hope you're happy

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Dear Selfish Fool,
12.01.17.

    I hate you. My rage burns to spite   you. I'm enraged because you left me. Because I deserved better. Because I didn't deserve to be left here, abandoned, all alone. Because you assumed it was completely okay for you to end your pain, but you expect me to go on surviving my demons without you.
    You're selfish. You selfish fool.
YOU LEFT ME HERE. What do I do now?!  Where do I go from here?
   How am I supposed to continue fighting off my own demons when the last thing you left me with was the added weight of your demons to grapple with?!
    Selfish, that's what you are.
You left me here, to face life alone, heaving along the weight of the world and the unbearable demons that you used to help me fight against.
     The demons haunt me alone now.
    Did you ever think of that? Did you ever think that maybe, just maybe you weren't the only one who craved an escape from her demons? Maybe I didn't want to keep fighting either? Maybe I didn't want to be LEFT ALONE with both our demons because I couldn't even handle mine.
   ... did you even stop to think when you did it?  Did you think about me at all that night? Did I not pop into your mind? Or was I just not good enough to keep you here with me? Did you not love me enough? Did you not think I deserved you? 
  .... did you ever stop to think maybe the only reason I managed to be strong and chase your demons  away daily was because you were there for me to run back to when the chase had ended? Did you even realize you were my reason to fight? Did you even think?!
   No, you didn't think. Because you're selfish. That's what you are. Selfish. A selfish, selfish girl who couldn't even bear the thought that the world might still have good in it because she was so desperate to see the bad.
    Certainly, that's what you were selfish and desperate for darkness.
    I hope you're miserable in the light up there. I hope the happiness you feel, your freedom, your lack of pain, I hope they torment you with joy. I hope all the darkness you longed for is unattainable. I hope you hate the happiness but can't help but adore it. I hope that someone up there is finally good enough for you, because I wasn't. Stay up there for me, until I can join you. I'm sure I'll be joining soon, but for now, find someone  who's actually good enough to keep you rooted- at least until I can arrive. Until then my selfish, selfish friend, I hope you're happy.

The End

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