I confidently opened our front door and walked through.
Through the hallway and down past the kitchen, into our bedroom.
Harry was in there. Sitting on the edge of the bed waiting for me to walk in, no doubt he heard me enter the flat.
I hesitated at the open doorway.
Before I could say anything, Harry opened his mouth, "I'm sorry." He whispered, staring at the ground.
I ignored him. I had to say what had been on my mind. I had to do it quick, "Harry, I have something to tell yo--" I began to say. But he interrupted me.
"No, wait Felicia. I have to tell you something. I overreacted. I'm sorry!" He said.
"Yes, you did over react Harry. Especially since Liam and I hadn't done anything, but I really need to--"
"--Yes, I realize that! Liam texted me right after I left. He explained how nothing happened. Said you were rushing to get your clothes on to chase me home. I'm sorry for doing that to you." He got up from the corner of the bed and walked over to me and wiped away the newly formed tears falling from my eyes.
He said in a shaky voice, close to tears, "I get jealous and I get mad, but It's because I love you! Please don't cry Felicia! I'm not worth your tears."
I just stared into his eyes for a bit, and finally plucked up the courage to whisper what I had been trying to say this entire time: "Harry, I'm leaving."
"What?" He whispered back. He looked confused but over all, fearful. Fearful that the words I had just spoken had truth behind it.
"I'm leaving." I repeated, "Moving actually. I've- I've decided to take that magazine job offer in America... I'm going back home." The words choked out.
It had been Liam who reminded me of the job offer the day before. I hadn't thought about it until the car ride home.
It seemed like the best option. The best way to get away.
I had a massive fear of my knees giving out, but I knew its what I had to do. I was sticking with my decision. I couldn't be here, in London, anymore. I loved Harry too much, but I loved Liam too. This love triangle had to end.
Harry was speechless. He turned away from me and moved towards the bed.
He sat down on the edge of the bed again, he put his hands to his face, and cried.
I walked over to him and knelt down in front of his convulsing body.
"Harry, please. Its for the best. We can't go on like this. Our relationship has been rocky for ages now. We have no trust! Without trust how can we have a relationship!?" I said through angry tears. I hated him for making this so hard. I hadn't expected him to cry.
Seeing him act like this caused a searing pain through my heart and formed a pit in my stomach. I wanted nothing but to comfort him and kiss him, but I couldn't.
I knew I couldn't. Because if I did, we'd just be making the same mistakes all over again.
He tried to calm down a little, but the sobs were still breaking through.
He looked up at me. His eyes were bloodshot and puffy. He wiped his nose on his sleeve and took a deep breath.
He took my face in his hands and begged me to stay with him. Told me he'd do anything for me. Said he'd change.
I blocked it out to the best of my ability.
He started kissing my face but I backed away.
"No, Harry. I've made up my mind." I said, struggling to stay strong and not break down. "We can't keep doing this." I whispered.
He paused a moment and thought, "It's because of Liam isn't it? You like him. Even though nothing happened, you wanted it to, I could see it in your face." He said, screwing up his face so he wouldn't start sobbing again.
"Yes... That's why I have to leave, Harry." This sent him off on a whole batch of new tears.
"Fuck." he yelled through his tears. He got up and crossed to the other side of the room, leaving me kneeling on the floor.
"I can't blame you Felicia. I really can't, I'm a terrible boyfriend. Yelling at you all the time.. Oh God, but please don't leave me!" He begged.
These words stabbed into me.
But I had to be strong. For me.
"I'm sorry, Harry." I said as a single tear fell to my lap.
I stood up and continued strongly, " I have to go. I have to make the arrangements to leave."
I looked anywhere but at him, "I'm leaving as soon as I can. Probably tomorrow."
"So soon?" He groaned.
"I have to leave soon..." I whispered, "or else I'll--"
"Change your mind?" Harry half chuckled through tears.
"Yes." I whispered.
We just stood there for a moment.
Harry broke the silence after almost 3 long minutes, "You're not going to change your mind are you?" He sighed.
"No." I said somberly.
"So stubborn... Such a piece of work." He mumbled.
I took that as my cue: I went to the closet and grabbed my black suit case out of the back. I started throwing random things into it, clothes, products, ect.
Harry just watched. I avoided his eyes, in case he might be silently crying.
I zipped up my half-way full suitcase and finally turned to Harry.
"Look, I'm staying at a hotel near here. I'll be back tomorrow to get the rest of my stuff. It'd be best if you weren't here... It would make it a lot... Easier for me."
He just stared back. I took that as he understood what I was saying and started making my way to the door, suitcase in hand.
He just stood looking straight ahead at nothing.
When I got to the door frame I turned back.
He turned to look at me.
"I still love you."
A painful smile appeared across his face, but he managed to whisper:
"I know you do. I just wish that was enough."