For the first time in a while, my unconscious mind doesn't take me to that bench that began my descent into hell. Instead I'm transported to the bus station in the town centre. I see myself sitting on the bench, looking at my phone. I start to wonder what my mind's planning, and then I realise. The last time I'd visited this place was... I feel a shudder run through my body. I haven't sat in this shelter since Valentine's Day, a week before Siobhan broke up with me.
As I'd predicted, I'm made to sit through the best day of my life again. Which is perfectly welcome, until one point. It was this point in time that I'd tried to block from my memory. We stood on top of the multi-storey car park, and we had the obligatory first-date discussion about our future.
"How long do you think we'll be together?" She'd smiled and kissed my lips softly a single time.
"Forever." She'd whispered, before kissing me again. With the foresight that I now have, the word cuts through me like a knife. My paranoid mind begins to wonder how long she'd been planning to break up with me for. Could it be possible that she'd lied to me on the happiest day I'd experienced? I didn't want to believe it, but it was definitely likely. That's when the dream takes a turn for the worse.
Siobhan takes me (actual me, not the version she'd just said she'd be with forever) by the throat and slams me against the concrete wall.
"You're pathetic, you know that? When we split up, that should've just been the end of it, but you just had to keep hanging on. I only got together with George to show you it was over, but even then you couldn't accept the truth." She lets me drop to the floor. "I'm starting to wonder if I ever did actually love you, or if I was just with you out of pity." I feel the tears starting to roll silently down my cheek, and she laughs. "I'm glad I didn't shoot you properly. Torturing you like this is a lot more fun."
That statement reminds me that this isn't reality, and I try to force myself awake.
When my eyes finally open, I'm staring up at a pure white ceiling. My initial thought is that the bullet had killed me and I'd ended up in Heaven, but I quickly dismiss that thought. There's no way I'd get in after what I've done under Colin's influence. Then there's only one place I could be... I glance down at my torso and, sure enough, I see that I'm dressed in a plain blue hospital gown. I edge it downwards a fraction and I see the scar from where the surgeons had stitched up the gunshot wound. I look back up and see that I'm not alone.
Gathered at my bedside are a group of people that I hadn't expected to see. My mother and father, holding hands at my bedside. Siobhan, the very reason I'm here in the first place, with guilt-ridden tears filling her piercing blue eyes. And my former best friend, who'd shrugged me off to spend more time with my ex. It's my mother who speaks first though.
"Adrian, thank God you're alive." I have no idea why she says that; our whole family's Atheist. "Your father and I have been talking, and we realised that our fighting all the time couldn't be good for you. So I've given him one last chance." She backs off to let Siobhan take centre stage.
"Adrian..." she whispers. "I'm so sorry. You have to know I wasn't in control when I did this to you. It was like my anger had just taken over me. But it's taken you almost dying to realise something. I can't live without you Adrian. I'm still just as much in love with you as I ever was. Do you think we could maybe try again?" But I'm not given chance to answer, as it's now Robin's time to speak.
"Adrian, I can't begin to apologise for how much of an arse I've been to you. But lately I've started to realise, you were right about Tammy. She's been manipulating me this whole time. So I came to see if we could still be friends." I try to answer, but my tongue feels like it's made of lead. Every time I try to answer anybody, the words seem to disappear between my brain and my mouth. So now I'm being given the opportunity to make things right, but can't.
And that's when my eyes open again, and instead of a warm hospital bed, I'm lying on the cold dirt floor of the forest. I gaze at my chest, and instead of the clean stitching of a professional surgeon, I see the ravaged flesh of my torso, the dried blood forming a dark red pattern.
I did the best I could. I'm only used to taking lives, not saving them. I've managed to keep the infection out, but I couldn't keep you asleep long enough to attempt to heal it properly.
Colin, why are you doing this?
I've told you before, if you die, then so do I. That's the only reason I've ever helped you.
Got it. If you were so determined to keep me asleep, then why did you make me dream of that?
I'm your evil side, what do you expect? I'm going against my very nature by not letting you die, so I've got to have fun somehow. Anyway, I'm gonna need you to go back to sleep so I can work.
I sigh, and let my fatigue pull me under. A few hours later, I'm woken up by Colin screaming inside my head.
Adrian, I'm done. You're going to have a scar for a few weeks, but I figured you'd rather have a temporary scar than a permanent bullet wound. I glance to inspect his work.
I have to say this for you Colin; you do a good, thorough job.
It's for my benefit, not yours, just remember that.
I smile. As long as he's in his self-preservation mood, I'll be safe. Able to walk around again, I decide I'd better head home. I'm still wanted for murdering my former friend, so it's not really safe for me to be wandering the streets.
