Saving Sawyer | ✓

Chapter 18 | I Literally Cannot Even Right Now

Chapter 18 | I Literally Cannot Even Right Now 

Author's Note: Okay, I know that a lot of you aren't American but I am and the story is obviously set in America. So, I just wanted to tell you now to avoid any confusion later on that in the chapter when they're talking about football, they mean American football, not soccer, which I think you guys call football? So, they're not talking about soccer, they're talking about football. American football.

“Look at the stars. Same stars as last week. Last year. When we were kids. When we weren’t even born. In a hundred years, no one will ever know who we were. They’ll know those same stars.” — Imaginary Heroes

“So, he asked you out?” Beckett randomly questions the following morning as the two of us sit across from each other at the kitchen table, eating breakfast.

“Excuse me?” I reply, looking up from my bowl of Lucky Charms and over at him.

“Graham, I mean,” He clarifies, even though the clarification wasn’t necessary. “He asked you to be his girlfriend yesterday, yes?” Beckett nonchalantly asks.

“How did you know that?” I query, giving my older brother a very suspicious look.

“I know everything, baby sister,” He explains, stuffing three strips of bacon in his mouth. “Well, that and Aspen told me about it last night,” Beckett tells me.

“Of course she did,” I reply with a small sigh, running my fingers through my hair.

It’s not like Graham and I are keeping our new relationship a secret or anything like that because we most definitely aren’t. It’s just that he asked me to be his girlfriend only maybe like, twelve or so hours ago and after I left his house last night, I came straight home, ate dinner, did some homework, took a shower and then went to sleep.

Only I couldn’t really stay asleep because my brain thought that last night was the perfect opportunity to plague me with a bunch of horrendously awful flashbacks and nightmares from that night at the frat house. I was a just a bit surprised by them though because I really haven’t had any nightmares or flashbacks about that night for quite some time. Now that I think about it though, I think they stopped right around the time Graham transferred to my school in October.

Anyway though, the nightmares and flashbacks were really freaking me out and I, being the huge baby that I am, sat in my bedroom, literally bawling for about five minutes. Then I started hearing Flynn’s voice in my head again—like I said, I’m not schizophrenic or anything, it’s just that whenever I think too much about what happened to me, my brain just can’t block certain things out, Flynn’s voice and the words that he said to me that night being two of those things. 

I used the technique that Dr. Fontana told me to use when I feel a panic attack coming on though, which is to try to take myself to happy place and just focus on breathing. It know it sounds like a dumb method but it works.

Once I finally managed to calm myself down and stop hyperventilating and crying, I was all gross and sweaty, so I had to take another shower any by the time I got out, I wasn’t even sleepy anymore, so I decided to go and talk to my best friend. I went into Aspen’s bedroom and there she was, on her bed, making out with Beckett.

Trust me when I say that it was a very traumatic sight to see, my best friend and my brother making out and sliding their way into second base. I did tell Aspen that I was totally fine with them dating though, so there wasn’t really anything that I could say. Beckett left the room then and with him went the awkwardness. Then Aspen and I started talking about Graham because, as I’m sure you’ve noticed, she’s a very hardcore shipper of this whole Grawyer thing and she wanted to know what all happened at Graham’s house.