The Love Song (13)

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What the heck was going on? Why did Decklan look so guilty? How had this conversation even started? Too many questions were running through my head.

Maybe this is just a dream, I rationalized. That would make a lot more sense than Decklan suddenly talking to me again. I must be crushing on Decklan so hard that I was making this scenario up in my head. I wanted us to be friends again so bad that I was fantasizing about it!

Squeezing my eyes shut for a moment, I opened them up to see him still sitting in front of me. Okay, crazy dream still happening…

“Um,” I said slowly. “What exactly do you mean?” Maybe Decklan only meant that it was too weird for us to try and talk again. The thought made my stomach drop. What had gotten into me? I shouldn’t have been so blunt before; it probably scared him off.

Decklan ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “I don’t know. I guess I just understand if you don’t want to talk to me.”

“Oh,” was all I was able to get out.

His face fell. “You hate me, don’t you,” he asked.

Hate you? More like stalk you… My face turned red as I thought about how Decklan would react if he knew just how untrue his last statement was. I closed my eyes again, just to make sure I wasn’t going crazy. When I cracked one open, I let out a breath of disbelief. He was still there! For safe measures, I pinched myself on the leg and jumped out of my seat in pain. Yup, definitely awake.

“Um, are you okay?” Decklan asked as he watched me sit back down in the chair.

My voice went up an octave as I answered. “Yeah,” I said stupidly. Calm down, I instructed myself. I inhaled a deep breath through my nose. “I don’t hate you,” I said as calm as possible.

 A smile almost crossed my face when I realized how normal my response sounded. There was no weird squeaks or hitched breathing. I actually sounded human! Way to go Mikey, I thought to myself. Now all you have to do is have a full conversation with Decklan about our screwed up past. No biggie…  

“You don’t?” Decklan looked shocked. He was probably just as surprised with my answer as I was with the fact that we were actually having a conversation. If I counted correctly it was the fourth one we’d had in the past week. That was definitely a record.

Decklan was still staring at me, waiting for another answer. Okay, so now I had to be careful. I couldn’t exactly explain to him that the reason I didn’t hate him was because I was in love with him.

“Well, I guess it’s that…” Trailing off I realized how hard it was to come up with a good lie. To make matters worse, Decklan was hanging on my every word. “People change and I can’t penalize you for that. Besides, you were my best friend at one point and best friends always forgive each other, right?” People change, Mikey? Was that really the best you could come up with? I thought angrily.

But Decklan smiled at me. “Wow I...” he started, shaking his head in disbelief. “I don’t even know what to say except for thank you so much for understanding.”

The way his lips curled up into the perfect award winning grin distracted me from his half ass apology. Instead of asking for a better explanation, I smiled back at him feeling strangely proud. “Um yeah, it’s no problem.”

It fell silent again.

After a few awkward moments of us staring at each other Decklan cleared his throat. “So friends again, right?” he asked as he flipped the hair out of his eyes.

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