"Why?", I think to myself. What have I ever done wrong?
My name Is Kayla, I'm 18 years old and according to people I'm very pretty. I don't see it, such a hard life can turn even the most beautiful person into a ugly creature. My long black hair appeared gray, my hazel eyes looked pale and not as bright as they used to be. My curves in all the right places just seemed like they did not belong to me. I didn't feel as sexy as I looked to others. As a 18 year old I've dealt with a lot of real shit, and once you're innocence is gone, it's gone forever! Although I felt like everything in my life was set against me I appreciated everything that God had blessed me with. There were a lot of people out there way worse than me. You must be wondering now ' What has happened to this girl?" , well welcome to my world, welcome to my hell!
I wake up in the morning to the sound every teen dreads the "beep beep beep" of my alarm clock. I get up and push back my curtains letting whatever sunlight that could pass the tall buildings in. I loved the sun it was just so inviting, it lifted my spirits and gave me a sense of relaxation. It wouldn't last long though, I was headed to the worst school in the neighborhood and it was Monday. The first day of the continuous cycle of hell I experienced. I didn't hate school, I hated the people there. Everybody that attended that school wanted to either become a drug dealer or a video vixen. Thats where all the ambition stopped. The teachers were tired of fighting students to care so they eventually stopped caring, I honestly don't know why I still attended school but a little part of me was disgusted with the idea of dropping out. The least I could do was finish high school.
I jumped in the shower, and went through the usual routine.After getting out the shower I noticed it was 7:00 a.m. I needed to be dressed and out the house in 30 minutes. I quickly threw on my uniform, dabbed on some light makeup, grabbed my bag and headed to the kitchen. I grabbed a breakfast burrito to eat while walking. I grabbed my blackberry and Ipod touch and walked out the front door. The stench of piss, weed, and alcohol hit my nose. I couldn't stand living in these projects. It was already bad that I was so depressed, but can you imagine just being surrounded by people that were so just so far gone. It does something to the soul, one part of me didn't want to end up like that and pushed me to be better and the other part was telling me that this was my future despite anything that I do. " I really have to get up out of here", I thought to myself as the elevator reached the lobby.
Once I reach the lobby I see Smokey the apartment's landlord, he looks me up and down which makes me uncomfortable. Every morning he would wait on me just to ask me for sex. I put my headphones in and start to walk faster. Over my music I hear him yell, "One day that ass will be mines sexy." I was so disgusted. His yellow rotting teeth, big bear belly, unshaven face made my stomach turn. I didn't feel safe at all in this building. As I wait for the bus in front the building, I didn't realize Smokey had followed me until I felt someone grab my arm to turn me around. I screamed and grabbed my hand back. " Such a sexy scream, i can't wait to hear you do it all night" , he says. The stench of his breath and alcohol make my stomach turn. " Don't touch me you dirty fuck, you have a wife and kids my age back up off me" I yell. He reaches out to stroke my face and I slap his hand away. " I want to make you my wife and make you have my kids," he replies. I give him the dirtiest look in the world. He laughs and backs up then turns around to head back to the building. I frantically search for my hand sanitizer. I squirt some in my hands and rub them together. "Where is this bus?"I think to myself. 5 minutes later the bus pulls up, I get on and find a seat. I put my headphones back in and listen to some music. 15 minutes later, I'm at school. I head to my locker where my best friend Shay is waiting on me. We've been friends since Pre-K. Luckily Shay's mom cared about her. She lived in the condos while I lived in the projects, she got dropped to school while I took public transportation. We were just total opposites. Funny thing Shay was the ghetto one while I was the more quiet and reserved one.
I always wondered what life would be like if my mom had chosen to be a doctor, lawyer, or some shit instead of being the stripper/prostitute she was. Wondered what life would be like if I had a clue who my dad was. Maybe things would be extremely better. Do you know how hard it is to be in the next room while your moms bed bangs against the wall, the moaning, the screaming? To see so many different men coming and going? All for money. I was so disgusted with my mother, selling her self worth for money to put food on the table and give me everything I wanted - but who was I to judge? I ate the food that the sex paid for, I wear the clothes that the sex paid for, everything I wanted I got because of the sex.
When I reach my locker, Shay is jumping up and down filled with excitement. "Damn Shay relax, it's only 8 in the morning." I mumble. "Girl, guess what?, Shay replies as she pops her gum. "What? I ask. "Pookie is single girl! He broke up with Faith this morning in the cafeteria in front of everybody. Do you know what this means? His sexy ass is available!", she yells. I stare at her with the straightest face in the world. " Wow here I am thinking that this is something important, girl you know I don't care. None of these boys here are my type, I reply. Before Shay can respond the bell rings. I shut my locker say bye to Shay and head to my first period, English.
Shay was boy crazy, she just loved every aspect of them - especially the sex! That just wasn't me. I didn't have time for boys, especially the boys that attended my school. They had no ambition, some of them were well past 18 struggling to graduate. I didn't know much about Pookie except that he looked great! He was so sexy but that wasn't something I was ready to dive into just yet. I walk into class, take my seat in the front of the class pull out my notebook and get ready for the lesson. English was my favorite subject, it was just a distraction from how stressful my life was. As everybody walks into class,I start the assignment. "Write in your journal a quote that you believe you need to hear." I write neatly in my journal "Life's worth living, so live another day." I smiled and went through my day reciting to myself that quote. That afternoon as I went home, I had a smile on my face. I did my homework, cooked dinner, and fell asleep with that smile on my face. Maybe life wasn't all that bad. I was looking forward to graduating, looking forward to leaving this house and making my life better for me.
YOU ARE READING
Kayla is a young girl, raised in the hood & most definetley doesn't like that she's stereotyped as being loud & nasty. She moves out of the hood and realizes maybe the hood was much better than all the trials and tribulations she's going to face alo...