Greg Goes Galactic - @JeffreyVonHauger - Galactic Empire

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Greg Goes Galactic

A Galactic Empire Story by JeffreyVonHauger

You are cordially invited to attend

Emperor Volodymyr Oblast's private reception

following the official coronation event

at the Imperial Palace

on Grandor Prime.

Onzaga Oblast, the mother of the emperor, took a drag off a Jakz Juice laced hand-rolled cigarette and slid the invitation into the hand of her dog walker. Greg smiled, fumbled with the golden ticket, and shoved it into the pocket of his cargo shorts. He had just got back from walking the dowager's prize purebred snipter-zoodles. The elegant quadruped canine-esque creatures had short purple curly hair and were rather playful and harmless, considering their size. When on the leash the two of them tended to walk Greg more than he walked them. Nonetheless, it had become his daily routine and the two-hour morning jaunt through the imperial gardens filled him with personal joy and provided time to ponder his existence in a sublime natural setting. He also got tips in the form of drugs and odd gifts, and he enjoyed both.

"Now, Gregory, I've taken the liberty of choosing an outfit for you to wear to the party." She gestured to a jacket and slacks hung across a small stand next to her and passed the joint over to her friend and dog walker.

"It's just Greg, please." Holding the thin cigarette, he took a puff. "You know, I used to say starting smoking when I was 40 was a bad idea, but now I think starting Jakz Juice at 50 was the truly bad move."

Greg was hopelessly addicted to both. He had discovered, quite by accident, that nicotine dulled the effects of Jakz Juice and allowed him to walk through life with a mild hallucinogenic buzz and some jitteriness. This combo really helped in his new environment.


Grandor Prime Security Clearance

Dossier: Greg Petix

Age: 51

Species: Human

Physical condition: Stable

A man out of place and time, the subject was abducted by a Sleldack space slug, who at the time was living in the body of another human named Daisy Eatherton. The Sleldack bonded with Petix over a vegan meal in a public eatery in a place known as Portland. It is assumed it was a spaceport city of early 21st century Earth. At the time Petix was working as a "burger flipper" at a place called the "Burger Barn."

Petix was offered a way off his doomed planet and insisted he bring along his "comic book" collection. The Sleldack agreed. The Sleldack and his ship were never found, but its cargo of one cryogenically frozen 50-year-old human male and 20 thousand flimsy colorful books printed on a thin biodegradable fiber were passed among collectors of galactic oddities for centuries, eventually landing in the possession of the great library of Grandor. Petix was revived and the tens of thousands of centuries that had passed were only a night's sleep to him. Both he and his antique book collection were preserved perfectly by modern archivist techniques.

Petix donated his collection to the library on the condition that he be permitted to read it whenever he wanted. He was given a small apartment on the outskirts of Capital City, Grandor.

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